Tis' the season to give thanks unto the Lord.
1. For a job that constantly challenges me and makes me aware that I am weak but He is strong, and I can do everything in Him who gives me strength. I now know how crazy it is to be beside a director.
2. For a heart to serve even though I am quite lousy at teaching/ facilitating... a lot of awkward silence and I needed to ask the Holy Spirit to help out, which I guess is the right thing to do anyway so amen! :)
3. For Cambodia, for Pastor Thong Kong, for his family, for the team, for the kids, for little "Deanna" and her "Pang Sai Kia" brother and for God's presence in Siem Reap and the villages.
4. For my family. Everything. And to know that He is in control. And also my pretty new house in Lakeside.
5. For Team Jumpshot and my coach. Everyone.
6. For the church He put me in and the mentors and friends I gained.
7. For never letting me go too far away from Him.
8. For the friendships. Some were new, some were lost, some needs to be reconciled (and I promise to do that once I find the time!), but the love in friendships is very enjoyable.
9. For a heart that is learning to be still and trust the Lord, and every time this patience seems to be tested, there is always a surpise.
10. For giving me courage to do many new things.
11. For protecting my heart, but teaching me how to love at the same time.
12. For His son Jesus Christ.
13. For the pandas in Singapore Zoo.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Psalm 4
Anxious heart, uneasy spirit today.
But the Word of God soothes. "In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Off to Bangkok tomorrow!
But the Word of God soothes. "In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Off to Bangkok tomorrow!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Larva
Happy blessed birthday to me. Was a truly enjoyable, albeit a wet one.
Thank you so much Lord! It's p
Fandastic!
Thank you so much Lord! It's p
Fandastic!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Unexpectations
I already had plans for the day. After first service, there'll be 2 meetings and brunch, then home sweet home for an afternoon of rest and exploring the new iMac.
It was unexpected that i should wake up late.
That I have to decide whether to go for 2nd service and blow off my meetings.
That maybe, evening service was a better solution and I should just grab my laptop, go for my meetings and find a spot near church to do my work till evening service.
Of course, the thought of continuing my sleep was a tempting option too.
I chose the 2nd option, had my 2 meetings, did my work at Sheila's house, saw Leah and Shannon during evening service, had dinner with them and 3 other older church members, listened to some valuable, timely advice from these new friends, and wondered if that's God's plan for my day all along.
I'm now on the way home, with Uncle Chay dropping me off at Woodlands. And I'm just thinking," God, You are such an unexpectation. You never fail to surprise me and put me in awe of the things You can do."
My God is awesome. And His plan for today, they're way better than mine :)
My spambots stranger friends, you should get to know Him.
It was unexpected that i should wake up late.
That I have to decide whether to go for 2nd service and blow off my meetings.
That maybe, evening service was a better solution and I should just grab my laptop, go for my meetings and find a spot near church to do my work till evening service.
Of course, the thought of continuing my sleep was a tempting option too.
I chose the 2nd option, had my 2 meetings, did my work at Sheila's house, saw Leah and Shannon during evening service, had dinner with them and 3 other older church members, listened to some valuable, timely advice from these new friends, and wondered if that's God's plan for my day all along.
I'm now on the way home, with Uncle Chay dropping me off at Woodlands. And I'm just thinking," God, You are such an unexpectation. You never fail to surprise me and put me in awe of the things You can do."
My God is awesome. And His plan for today, they're way better than mine :)
My spambots stranger friends, you should get to know Him.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Survivor.
Rejoice! It is over!! Production, that it.
After how many days of misery, this part of my life is over. OOOOOVERRRR.
Joy to the world, it's going to be December again.
:)
And I really believe in GIGATT.
God Is Good, All The Time.
After how many days of misery, this part of my life is over. OOOOOVERRRR.
Joy to the world, it's going to be December again.
:)
And I really believe in GIGATT.
God Is Good, All The Time.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
An Expensive Purchase
Just when I was cracking my head and thinking how the heck I'm going to do my editing work from home during the holidays with my 4 year old MacBook Pro which lags like nobody's business, I found a refurbished 27" iMac with pretty decent specs while trolling Apple's website.
And so... after 1 hour of deep thinking.... I'm now the proud and broke owner of a new iMac!
At $2800plus, it's cheaper than a new MacBook Pro, and faster. It's kind of portable too, if you think about it- just heavy. Plus, it's got Thunderbolt. The more I look at it, the more it feels worth it.
Wah, but seriously, am breaking the bank every month. First it was the iPhone, now an iMac. I just hope it stops here and I can go back to buying my clothes which cost less than both of these items.
Which brings me to my savings. After a whole year of trying to save, I blew 3/4 of my life savings on the iMac. Uh oh.
Okay. I'll be having grass for the next few months. Thanks.
And so... after 1 hour of deep thinking.... I'm now the proud and broke owner of a new iMac!
At $2800plus, it's cheaper than a new MacBook Pro, and faster. It's kind of portable too, if you think about it- just heavy. Plus, it's got Thunderbolt. The more I look at it, the more it feels worth it.
Wah, but seriously, am breaking the bank every month. First it was the iPhone, now an iMac. I just hope it stops here and I can go back to buying my clothes which cost less than both of these items.
Which brings me to my savings. After a whole year of trying to save, I blew 3/4 of my life savings on the iMac. Uh oh.
Okay. I'll be having grass for the next few months. Thanks.
Friday, November 9, 2012
I Did Put It As My Blog Heading
"Refine me, Lord, through the flame."
That was what I seeked. To be refined, to be molded into a character of God, to be more and more like Him each day, to learn new things and push myself forward.
But it's been tough.
The job has been taking a toll on the spirit. There is very little joy, very little confidence and a lot, a lot of self doubt recently. Somehow, I've managed to get on the wrong end of everybody's tail, and I feel the brunt coming down on me, like a domino effect, one after another.
I can analyze this a million times, go over it many times, blame it on everyone else, and still, it won't matter because what's done is done. I only have 2 more days of shoot before this nightmare is over, but it's really hard keeping it together. It's always on hindsight, on hindsight that I'll be told that I should have done this, or that. Basically I'm running about like a headless chicken, bearing the wrath of everyone on set.
It's the first time I ever felt so small, so helpless. So lost. And this whole house moving thing isn't helping at all.
Joyce said to me, "Deanna, praise God in times of need, so that you'll be able to feel His comfort. You have to try praising God even when you're at your lowest. For He is always there, His mercies never end."
Lord, I praise you. I praise Your wonderful name, Your works. I praise You, even when I'm battered and broke, even when my spirit lies in ruins, I praise You Lord, for You are the only one worthy of all praise, for You will deliver me, You will hold me and protect me. Lord, I know that You have a plan, and this is my refinement, this is my moulding, this is my training. I thank you Lord for this, and I pray for the strength, for the will, for the Spirit within me to stand up and fight against everything that is wrong, to conquer whatever that is going wrong. Lord, You protect me with your staff. If You are for me, who can be against me? Thank you for loving me, and sending so many friends to comfort me, to know that You are there, listening.
Amen.
That was what I seeked. To be refined, to be molded into a character of God, to be more and more like Him each day, to learn new things and push myself forward.
But it's been tough.
The job has been taking a toll on the spirit. There is very little joy, very little confidence and a lot, a lot of self doubt recently. Somehow, I've managed to get on the wrong end of everybody's tail, and I feel the brunt coming down on me, like a domino effect, one after another.
I can analyze this a million times, go over it many times, blame it on everyone else, and still, it won't matter because what's done is done. I only have 2 more days of shoot before this nightmare is over, but it's really hard keeping it together. It's always on hindsight, on hindsight that I'll be told that I should have done this, or that. Basically I'm running about like a headless chicken, bearing the wrath of everyone on set.
It's the first time I ever felt so small, so helpless. So lost. And this whole house moving thing isn't helping at all.
Joyce said to me, "Deanna, praise God in times of need, so that you'll be able to feel His comfort. You have to try praising God even when you're at your lowest. For He is always there, His mercies never end."
Lord, I praise you. I praise Your wonderful name, Your works. I praise You, even when I'm battered and broke, even when my spirit lies in ruins, I praise You Lord, for You are the only one worthy of all praise, for You will deliver me, You will hold me and protect me. Lord, I know that You have a plan, and this is my refinement, this is my moulding, this is my training. I thank you Lord for this, and I pray for the strength, for the will, for the Spirit within me to stand up and fight against everything that is wrong, to conquer whatever that is going wrong. Lord, You protect me with your staff. If You are for me, who can be against me? Thank you for loving me, and sending so many friends to comfort me, to know that You are there, listening.
Amen.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Moving House
In 4 days time, I bid adieu to the lovely town of Bishan, which I've stayed at all my life, and relocate myself to the west.
I dread this change, this move, this dynamic shift.
On Thursday, I will wake up in my normal life, go to work, and come home to a whole new environment, one that for now feels far, cold, chocolaty (from the Cadbury factory in Boon Lay), and strangely nostalgic just because I was there for 4 years for university.
One of my grouses is that church is much more far away than before. It is really going from the west coast to the east, and I pray hard that God will make a way for me to go to church without much hassle. Maybe I should get used to snoozing in the train most of the time from station to station?
Another one of my complaints is that I'm living so far away from everyone else now, especially my friends in the north and central area. They've already made it clear that they'll never send me home to Lakeside ever. Such friends right? Well, at least there's Yan Yan. Hor, Yan Yan?
Well, for the next 3 days, I'm going to try and hug every lamp post that I pass when I go home in Bishan. The keyword is try.
I dread this change, this move, this dynamic shift.
On Thursday, I will wake up in my normal life, go to work, and come home to a whole new environment, one that for now feels far, cold, chocolaty (from the Cadbury factory in Boon Lay), and strangely nostalgic just because I was there for 4 years for university.
One of my grouses is that church is much more far away than before. It is really going from the west coast to the east, and I pray hard that God will make a way for me to go to church without much hassle. Maybe I should get used to snoozing in the train most of the time from station to station?
Another one of my complaints is that I'm living so far away from everyone else now, especially my friends in the north and central area. They've already made it clear that they'll never send me home to Lakeside ever. Such friends right? Well, at least there's Yan Yan. Hor, Yan Yan?
Well, for the next 3 days, I'm going to try and hug every lamp post that I pass when I go home in Bishan. The keyword is try.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Comedy Is Serious Business
Nothing prepared me for the stress that I faced the past 6 days as a 1st Assistant Director on the set of a narrative drama.
It was a crazy time trying to keep up with the director, all while making sure every department knows their brief, and keeping the actors in check. I wished I was an octopus, but with 8 brains instead of tentacles.
Even though I have shadowed another 1st AD on the previous season of this show, it was not enough to understand the proper workflow of things. Well, this grueling period brought a whole new level of toughness. I must admit, at one or two point, I wanted to break down. That was the easiest thing to do, of course. It is really hard when the director uses terms that I've never heard of. Well, sometimes he used simple terms like "left of camera" and "angle your body", but it takes a while for the overworked brain to process. And it doesn't help when you see the director's frustrated face, yelling at everybody, and telling you that everything you've been doing is wrong.
It'll be 5 more shoot days before this nightmare is over.
But, I'm still grateful for this opportunity, tough as it might be. I remembered the director whispering to me, "You're doing this now so that you can be a director in the future, isn't it?" In my mind, I was thinking, er, nope... I want to edit, not direct, but suddenly, I was jolted back to the past.
Back then, in the hallways with all my friends, I've always told them I want to be a director.
And wow, look where I am now.
It was a crazy time trying to keep up with the director, all while making sure every department knows their brief, and keeping the actors in check. I wished I was an octopus, but with 8 brains instead of tentacles.
Even though I have shadowed another 1st AD on the previous season of this show, it was not enough to understand the proper workflow of things. Well, this grueling period brought a whole new level of toughness. I must admit, at one or two point, I wanted to break down. That was the easiest thing to do, of course. It is really hard when the director uses terms that I've never heard of. Well, sometimes he used simple terms like "left of camera" and "angle your body", but it takes a while for the overworked brain to process. And it doesn't help when you see the director's frustrated face, yelling at everybody, and telling you that everything you've been doing is wrong.
It'll be 5 more shoot days before this nightmare is over.
But, I'm still grateful for this opportunity, tough as it might be. I remembered the director whispering to me, "You're doing this now so that you can be a director in the future, isn't it?" In my mind, I was thinking, er, nope... I want to edit, not direct, but suddenly, I was jolted back to the past.
Back then, in the hallways with all my friends, I've always told them I want to be a director.
And wow, look where I am now.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Hello You.
Dear Sydney,
As I type, your life is increasing by the hour. It's not yet a day. And here you are, in this picture, behind the glass window, sleeping soundly at 5 hours old with nary a care.
You yawned your tiny yawn, and your proud dad said you had a really cute cry when you were born just this afternoon. All of us, in our excitement pressed our faces to get a better view of your button nose (her features) and deep eyes (his features).
I had the privilege of seeing you first. I probably am the 2nd person on this earth to take your picture, the first being your dad of course. The first thought, as your paternal grandmother and I looked together at you, was how tiny you are. How tiny you are, Sydney. You are a tiny 2.2kg miracle.
Today, thanks to your arrival a month earlier than expected, I become an aunt. I'll try to be the cool one, but I will be the one who'll teach you all about a man who came down to save us. Through Him, you'll learn why you're on this earth. You'll experience the joy of being here and growing here.
Now I just found out they can't name you Sydney because of Fengshui.but it's fine. You will have a beautiful name, to reflect your beautiful life ahead.
I can't wait to get to know you, Sydney.
Love,
Auntie Deanna
As I type, your life is increasing by the hour. It's not yet a day. And here you are, in this picture, behind the glass window, sleeping soundly at 5 hours old with nary a care.
You yawned your tiny yawn, and your proud dad said you had a really cute cry when you were born just this afternoon. All of us, in our excitement pressed our faces to get a better view of your button nose (her features) and deep eyes (his features).
I had the privilege of seeing you first. I probably am the 2nd person on this earth to take your picture, the first being your dad of course. The first thought, as your paternal grandmother and I looked together at you, was how tiny you are. How tiny you are, Sydney. You are a tiny 2.2kg miracle.
Today, thanks to your arrival a month earlier than expected, I become an aunt. I'll try to be the cool one, but I will be the one who'll teach you all about a man who came down to save us. Through Him, you'll learn why you're on this earth. You'll experience the joy of being here and growing here.
Now I just found out they can't name you Sydney because of Fengshui.but it's fine. You will have a beautiful name, to reflect your beautiful life ahead.
I can't wait to get to know you, Sydney.
Love,
Auntie Deanna
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Chengling Got Married!
"If you can't be the bride, be bright."
That's what I told my friends when they commented on my retro-looking pink-orange dress.
All in all, it was enjoyable, and a really good break from the pile of work. I am refreshed, and I'm looking forward to the challenges ahead. I will walk and not be faint, run and not be weary. Amen :)
Friday, September 21, 2012
A Word For My Season
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
I guess it means patience. Not passion, but patience.
Okay. Now to learn how to surrender it to God.
I guess it means patience. Not passion, but patience.
Okay. Now to learn how to surrender it to God.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A Struggle of a Cowardly Aspiring Editor
I cannot cut anything Horror.
I just cannot.
Well, I can put something together, but they will turn out sucky.
There was an assignment to put together a sample mood trailer by piecing shots from horror flicks. And oh boy, having to sit through gory/ psychotic/ tense moments can really shake one's heart. And when I was done, I couldn't bear to refine it anymore, because, just seeing it makes me freak out.
So that's that.
I cannot cut horror. Well, I shall push myself and see how far I can go, but for now, I scream like the girl that I am when it comes to horror.
I just cannot.
Well, I can put something together, but they will turn out sucky.
There was an assignment to put together a sample mood trailer by piecing shots from horror flicks. And oh boy, having to sit through gory/ psychotic/ tense moments can really shake one's heart. And when I was done, I couldn't bear to refine it anymore, because, just seeing it makes me freak out.
So that's that.
I cannot cut horror. Well, I shall push myself and see how far I can go, but for now, I scream like the girl that I am when it comes to horror.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Words That Come To Mind When Tired
I probably am finally coming to terms that we're on stranger tides. 2 years and loads of thinking does a lot, grew a lot, but still, am still addressing you as you because there is a small hope that you do peek in here once in a while to stalk, like I try to stalk too, in a non scary/ threatening way, because there's no way to stalk you at all, anymore, except for the very occasional mention.
And of course, I can feel wheels moving, moving on, moving further, until it really fades into oblivion. Part of me wants it to be like that, like it doesn't exist, and frankly it feels that way because it's been so long, but a whole bigger part of me says, nope, I cannot let it fade. I hold on, hold on to the lessons, the love, the way we were, the way I was mean and horrid, the way I ran you down into a million pieces. This is important. Very important. It shaped me, it molded me, a tad too late, perhaps for you, but I pray so hard that it'll not happen again in the next one, if there is a next one, when there is a next one.
There are times where things get broken and they are unfixable. I think this is one of those things. Well, I think you think that this is one of those things. And I think so too. I've probably gone and done the worst thing by associating you with me, again. Because there is no association, not in real life anyway, not in this time. Not anymore. And of course, while I hope you'd peek, I think really, I'm just talking to myself.
I hope you've found your next one already. I'm going to try to find mine too.
And of course, I can feel wheels moving, moving on, moving further, until it really fades into oblivion. Part of me wants it to be like that, like it doesn't exist, and frankly it feels that way because it's been so long, but a whole bigger part of me says, nope, I cannot let it fade. I hold on, hold on to the lessons, the love, the way we were, the way I was mean and horrid, the way I ran you down into a million pieces. This is important. Very important. It shaped me, it molded me, a tad too late, perhaps for you, but I pray so hard that it'll not happen again in the next one, if there is a next one, when there is a next one.
There are times where things get broken and they are unfixable. I think this is one of those things. Well, I think you think that this is one of those things. And I think so too. I've probably gone and done the worst thing by associating you with me, again. Because there is no association, not in real life anyway, not in this time. Not anymore. And of course, while I hope you'd peek, I think really, I'm just talking to myself.
I hope you've found your next one already. I'm going to try to find mine too.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Fatigue.
Fatigue.
I could feel it on my bones, at 8pm last night, after 3 continuous nights of staying in the office at 3am.
It was just a sudden wave that hit, and I sat there, in front of my iMac, staring blanking for a moment, wondering if I would get a heart attack and die.
I didn't. I survived till 4am last night.
Later, it'll be the same story, but tonight, oh tonight is finally here. It'll be the last night of crazy editing.
As each evening pass and I strike off the edits done for the night, there are 2 things that keep running through my head. One is the song by Fun., appropriately named Be Calm. I've taken to listening to this band - which by the way is amazing and as the name suggest, really fun- after reading that music keeps one focused at work.
The other one is Romans 8:31 "If God is for me, who can be against me?"
And that's the reason, why I'm still alive.
I could feel it on my bones, at 8pm last night, after 3 continuous nights of staying in the office at 3am.
It was just a sudden wave that hit, and I sat there, in front of my iMac, staring blanking for a moment, wondering if I would get a heart attack and die.
I didn't. I survived till 4am last night.
Later, it'll be the same story, but tonight, oh tonight is finally here. It'll be the last night of crazy editing.
As each evening pass and I strike off the edits done for the night, there are 2 things that keep running through my head. One is the song by Fun., appropriately named Be Calm. I've taken to listening to this band - which by the way is amazing and as the name suggest, really fun- after reading that music keeps one focused at work.
The other one is Romans 8:31 "If God is for me, who can be against me?"
And that's the reason, why I'm still alive.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Sexiest tranniest voice ever.
When one starts sounding manliest among all the men her cell group, one must accept that her throat is spoilt and shut up and start listening more.
Until it heals la.
Until it heals la.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Words of the Drugged Out
It's been a while since I've felt this crazy, this impulsive, this... weird.
Like a rehash.
It feels familiar, yet fresh and different.
It feels exciting, but scary.
It feels like a game, but yet it ought to demand more respect than a game.
Everything's uncertain, and it might just be in my head. So much so that it gave me an intensive headache at work yesterday.
I'm kidding. But the headache was real. Oh gosh I sat in that meeting from 1pm to 5pm, with my head lolling from side to side and my eyeballs in pain. Worst feeling ever.
Anyway, yay to my bosses who sent me home and I fell fast asleep until.... Now.
And so, am still wearing my sports bra because I was supposed to go for training after work yesterday.
And hence this seemingly incoherent post because I am still feeling a little drugged out.
I dreamt the other day of the one who has long treated me as non-existential. That one lor, who had me thinking long and hard all year last year what I've done wrong to deserve such crap. Somewhere along, I realized, yup, I really do deserved it. I've never put in much of an effort, and I have been obnoxious, off putting and really mean. Really, really mean. Really nasty. I concluded that yup, i deserved this silent treatment. Of course it kills me to lose this person as a friend, because this person knew me and loved me. But I didn't, or rather, didn't show it as much as I should have.
Well, I had a dream. Dreams where that person pops out are getting to be less frequent, but they all have the same message. I would dream that we meet somewhere random and start to talk, and it was comforting. Until I wake up, that is. A few days ago, the dream was that the person came to me during a gathering of some sort and said, hey I'm sorry. Let's talk. You cannot imagine that amount of comfort it brought to me.
Until I woke up, that is. Well, because dreams are just dreams, and this scenario will probably never happen ever. RIGHT? Because 1, I'm probably the one who needs to apologise and 2, I've been so lousy during that time.
Well, time to wake up, see the doctor, live another day and just pray hard that I won't do the same thing to the next person who comes along.
If the next person is not in my head, that is.
Like a rehash.
It feels familiar, yet fresh and different.
It feels exciting, but scary.
It feels like a game, but yet it ought to demand more respect than a game.
Everything's uncertain, and it might just be in my head. So much so that it gave me an intensive headache at work yesterday.
I'm kidding. But the headache was real. Oh gosh I sat in that meeting from 1pm to 5pm, with my head lolling from side to side and my eyeballs in pain. Worst feeling ever.
Anyway, yay to my bosses who sent me home and I fell fast asleep until.... Now.
And so, am still wearing my sports bra because I was supposed to go for training after work yesterday.
And hence this seemingly incoherent post because I am still feeling a little drugged out.
I dreamt the other day of the one who has long treated me as non-existential. That one lor, who had me thinking long and hard all year last year what I've done wrong to deserve such crap. Somewhere along, I realized, yup, I really do deserved it. I've never put in much of an effort, and I have been obnoxious, off putting and really mean. Really, really mean. Really nasty. I concluded that yup, i deserved this silent treatment. Of course it kills me to lose this person as a friend, because this person knew me and loved me. But I didn't, or rather, didn't show it as much as I should have.
Well, I had a dream. Dreams where that person pops out are getting to be less frequent, but they all have the same message. I would dream that we meet somewhere random and start to talk, and it was comforting. Until I wake up, that is. A few days ago, the dream was that the person came to me during a gathering of some sort and said, hey I'm sorry. Let's talk. You cannot imagine that amount of comfort it brought to me.
Until I woke up, that is. Well, because dreams are just dreams, and this scenario will probably never happen ever. RIGHT? Because 1, I'm probably the one who needs to apologise and 2, I've been so lousy during that time.
Well, time to wake up, see the doctor, live another day and just pray hard that I won't do the same thing to the next person who comes along.
If the next person is not in my head, that is.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
The Family.
I wanted to take the time to just type out random stuff on the blog while waiting for my video to render, but my sister, who was on her bed, kept saying that she was fat.
It became a little unbearable to hear that she feels that being fat dominates her life, and that she knows that there are other less fortunate people out there but she couldn't care more. She don't have that capacity in her heart to feel and love these people, she don't have any capacity in her heart to think about other things. She is preoccupied with her "fat" arms and "fat" legs.
"Does it help if I tell you you're not fat and that's the truth?" I asked.
"No. If just one person says I'm fat, I will feel affected. My friend keep saying I am fat and black."
"Can you go ask that idiot to go screw herself?"
"Cannot. That's how society judges. It's society's viewpoint."
"Society is molded by you and me. It's our opinions."
"No I cannot ignore society. I am part of it."
I told my sister I'd rather buy her an air ticket to see the world than buy her a slimming centre voucher. But obviously, I was firmly rejected.
How did such narrow perspectives form in her head, I truly wonder. At this point, I really find it a struggle to talk to my family over such matters. In my head, if they were Christians, it would have been solved more easily. I guess I'm biased, and also thinking this way is not right because lamenting doesn't solve anything.
But of course, I'll pray... Prayer, that's the only thing that works these days. At least for me, when nothing else seems to be able to work. I think this is a time of molding and shaping myself, a time to try and reconcile with the family over unresolved issues, and yeap, a time to "Refine Me Through The Flame."
All these might sound rather serious, but don't worry, I guess it's because I've not really tackled them before, having lived half my life in oblivion and escapism. I am truly glad to be a Christian, though by no means am I the holiest, godliest Christian out there. Because when I feel stuck like this, when there are no humanly way, no logic, no reasoning to be done, there really is nothing else to do but to pray like never before.
We'll get through it. All 6 + 1 (brother in law) + 1 (the niece now nicely baking in the oven) of us.
It became a little unbearable to hear that she feels that being fat dominates her life, and that she knows that there are other less fortunate people out there but she couldn't care more. She don't have that capacity in her heart to feel and love these people, she don't have any capacity in her heart to think about other things. She is preoccupied with her "fat" arms and "fat" legs.
"Does it help if I tell you you're not fat and that's the truth?" I asked.
"No. If just one person says I'm fat, I will feel affected. My friend keep saying I am fat and black."
"Can you go ask that idiot to go screw herself?"
"Cannot. That's how society judges. It's society's viewpoint."
"Society is molded by you and me. It's our opinions."
"No I cannot ignore society. I am part of it."
I told my sister I'd rather buy her an air ticket to see the world than buy her a slimming centre voucher. But obviously, I was firmly rejected.
How did such narrow perspectives form in her head, I truly wonder. At this point, I really find it a struggle to talk to my family over such matters. In my head, if they were Christians, it would have been solved more easily. I guess I'm biased, and also thinking this way is not right because lamenting doesn't solve anything.
But of course, I'll pray... Prayer, that's the only thing that works these days. At least for me, when nothing else seems to be able to work. I think this is a time of molding and shaping myself, a time to try and reconcile with the family over unresolved issues, and yeap, a time to "Refine Me Through The Flame."
All these might sound rather serious, but don't worry, I guess it's because I've not really tackled them before, having lived half my life in oblivion and escapism. I am truly glad to be a Christian, though by no means am I the holiest, godliest Christian out there. Because when I feel stuck like this, when there are no humanly way, no logic, no reasoning to be done, there really is nothing else to do but to pray like never before.
We'll get through it. All 6 + 1 (brother in law) + 1 (the niece now nicely baking in the oven) of us.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Look At The Stars, Look How They Shine For You
Last night, I was in a coach, en route to Larkin Central from Malacca. I was fast asleep in the beginning, but I roused from my sleep and started looking out the window.
It was dark. Except for the blinding headlights of vehicles that zoomed past on the opposite side of the road, it was pitch dark. At first, I made out 3 shiny dots in the sky. Hmm, they are probably satallites, I thought to myself. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to make out even more dots. Soon, I was craning my neck to look at the star filled sky in awe.
After a few seconds, I pulled my neck back into my seat. I looked around the bus, and because I sat at the last row, I could see everyone. Everyone was still. Some were looking forward, some were sleeping, some were stoning, but nobody seemed to notice the stars in the sky. Of course, when we boarded the bus, all the curtains were already drawn shut, and most of the people left it as that. But I didn't like it the moment I went on board, so I flung my piece of cloth to the back to my seat. Am I glad I did that!
It hit me, while looking at the scene in front of me and back to the brillant night sky, that the stars seemed to be a metaphor. God's brilliance, hidden among the stars, seem so far away, and so few. Some people won't even get a chance to see them, because they're so comfortable with where they are and how things are. They'll leave the curtains down and continue with their lives. And to tell the truth, most of us are like that. Most of us will go as we are, never once lifting our heads to look out and see the vastness of the world. Never once, to look for God. Or worse, thinking He does not exist when He's just up there, above our heads.
But you know, once you look up and see the stars, there's no way you can look away. Until the neck begins to tire, your eyes stay fixated upon the glory in the skies. Sure, you'll have to rest for a while after craning your neck for so long, and there will be people who arn't impressed, who draw back the curtains and continue. There will be people whose eyes are hurt by the blinding lights of the opposite vehicles. There will be people who think of that as nothing but huge balls of gas hanging up in space by rocket science theories.
I hope I will not be one of these people.
Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you.
It was dark. Except for the blinding headlights of vehicles that zoomed past on the opposite side of the road, it was pitch dark. At first, I made out 3 shiny dots in the sky. Hmm, they are probably satallites, I thought to myself. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to make out even more dots. Soon, I was craning my neck to look at the star filled sky in awe.
After a few seconds, I pulled my neck back into my seat. I looked around the bus, and because I sat at the last row, I could see everyone. Everyone was still. Some were looking forward, some were sleeping, some were stoning, but nobody seemed to notice the stars in the sky. Of course, when we boarded the bus, all the curtains were already drawn shut, and most of the people left it as that. But I didn't like it the moment I went on board, so I flung my piece of cloth to the back to my seat. Am I glad I did that!
It hit me, while looking at the scene in front of me and back to the brillant night sky, that the stars seemed to be a metaphor. God's brilliance, hidden among the stars, seem so far away, and so few. Some people won't even get a chance to see them, because they're so comfortable with where they are and how things are. They'll leave the curtains down and continue with their lives. And to tell the truth, most of us are like that. Most of us will go as we are, never once lifting our heads to look out and see the vastness of the world. Never once, to look for God. Or worse, thinking He does not exist when He's just up there, above our heads.
But you know, once you look up and see the stars, there's no way you can look away. Until the neck begins to tire, your eyes stay fixated upon the glory in the skies. Sure, you'll have to rest for a while after craning your neck for so long, and there will be people who arn't impressed, who draw back the curtains and continue. There will be people whose eyes are hurt by the blinding lights of the opposite vehicles. There will be people who think of that as nothing but huge balls of gas hanging up in space by rocket science theories.
I hope I will not be one of these people.
Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Niam niam niam.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't be further aggravated when you see new pictures of said people with airline tickets and you think about the steamboat.
Don't be further aggravated when you see new pictures of said people with airline tickets and you think about the steamboat.
"But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't get angry at people who say they've no money for steamboat with the rest of the team but can fly everywhere for holidays.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't bitch about them to the rest.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't complain about being paid in goodwill when trying to preach grace.
Don't be further aggravated when you see new pictures of said people with airline tickets and you think about the steamboat.
Don't be further aggravated when you see new pictures of said people with airline tickets and you think about the steamboat.
"But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
The new first time.
"I can taste a little of the honey
That He has promised me
As I await my treasures in heaven
I can't imagine how sweet they will be."
For if you are as helpless as I am now,
there is no other solution than the Great Big Man himself.
That He has promised me
As I await my treasures in heaven
I can't imagine how sweet they will be."
For if you are as helpless as I am now,
there is no other solution than the Great Big Man himself.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Only By Grace
The best way to remember what God has done for us is to journal it down. And therefore, I shall, for He has been so full of goodness and mercy this week.
On Monday, I came home to the middle of an argument. There were tears, there was tension and emotions were highly unstable. I, for one, lost it as well. I wanted to walk away, I was about to, and things snapped. The next few moments were unforgettable, and it was one of the scariest moments in my life. The scariest, I reckon, on hindsight. I'm being vague about all because I cannot put it in words. Also, a part of me don't want to. (Since it's already over, let's just let the awful feelings go.) But, yes, scary it was. I walked back to my room, laid on my bed and cried out, and for the first time, it was desperate.
I whats-apped Felicia and Joyce, asked them to pray for me and the state of my family. I said to them, "It seems that I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and I am scared shitless."
They listened, and they prayed.
On Tuesday and Wednesday, things didn't look too good. You can see the heartbreak in my parents' heart, the anger, the confusion. I chose to came home late after work. I didn't know what to do.
This morning, I brushed my teeth. My mum broke the news of a probable reconciliation. There was dialogue. There was breaking of ice. In the car as my dad drove me to work, he talked about how he gave in (at work) after looking at what happened at home, and work was good for now. Home is looking to be better.
In a span of 4 days, there was a lot of emotions going through the tiny heart and brain of yours truly. And just when I felt the most helpless, He was there. He carried everyone of us in this family through. He worked his powers and His glory was comforting.
I know, we're not at the end yet, and there has to be a lot to be done in the meantime. I really hope, by faith, we'll be okay.
By faith, we'll be okay.
On Monday, I came home to the middle of an argument. There were tears, there was tension and emotions were highly unstable. I, for one, lost it as well. I wanted to walk away, I was about to, and things snapped. The next few moments were unforgettable, and it was one of the scariest moments in my life. The scariest, I reckon, on hindsight. I'm being vague about all because I cannot put it in words. Also, a part of me don't want to. (Since it's already over, let's just let the awful feelings go.) But, yes, scary it was. I walked back to my room, laid on my bed and cried out, and for the first time, it was desperate.
I whats-apped Felicia and Joyce, asked them to pray for me and the state of my family. I said to them, "It seems that I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and I am scared shitless."
They listened, and they prayed.
On Tuesday and Wednesday, things didn't look too good. You can see the heartbreak in my parents' heart, the anger, the confusion. I chose to came home late after work. I didn't know what to do.
This morning, I brushed my teeth. My mum broke the news of a probable reconciliation. There was dialogue. There was breaking of ice. In the car as my dad drove me to work, he talked about how he gave in (at work) after looking at what happened at home, and work was good for now. Home is looking to be better.
In a span of 4 days, there was a lot of emotions going through the tiny heart and brain of yours truly. And just when I felt the most helpless, He was there. He carried everyone of us in this family through. He worked his powers and His glory was comforting.
I know, we're not at the end yet, and there has to be a lot to be done in the meantime. I really hope, by faith, we'll be okay.
By faith, we'll be okay.
Monday, July 23, 2012
When sorrows like sea billows roar.
When peace like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roar
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well in my soul.
I need to write this down. I need to remember this night.
This is the night where I walked through the valley of shadow of death, and I was scared shitless. But I'm not lost and I'm never letting go of His hand.
When sorrows like sea billows roar
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well in my soul.
I need to write this down. I need to remember this night.
This is the night where I walked through the valley of shadow of death, and I was scared shitless. But I'm not lost and I'm never letting go of His hand.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The Price Of A Sideline
Recently, it's been a trend among my friends to look for me and ask if I can do some videos for them. They come from different denominations, but somehow, their deadlines converges. I wonder if there is a conspiracy there.
Don't matter. Anyway, every time people ask me to do videos, it's always been a struggle for me to determine a price for it. Or worse, to even put a price on it is so hard to do. I mean, for close friends I don't mind. And for church, it's a small service in comparison. But the disturbing ones are the ones whom you've never met, who are friends of friends.
I've just spent the last 3 nights doing up a video for this couple, one of whom is the sister of my teammate. While going through their photos and requirements, I am thinking of how much effort to put in. Well, I would very much like to, if I'm that way, declare that I should do my very best, even though no price was negotiated, and very likely, the amount that I'm working for is $0. I very much would like to say I would still put in 100% for $0. For people I don't even know.
But I should not kid myself.
I have always overlooked the way blessings and karma work. And obviously, as a Christian, one does not need karma at all. One will get what one does not deserve usually, in a good way. That's grace. But one should not stop the good because one knows one has been given grace. One should continue because the goodness comes from God, and not from one's own initiative.
Anyway, I told Sam, my other teammate about it, and she said, "Huh? If you don't even know if you're not getting paid, do for what?"
"So that I can amass enough karma and get to meet and marry the man of my dreams one day." I said, to rapturous laughter from her.
And at that point, I laughed so hard too, at my own silliness.
Well, now that it's been said, the 1st cut of the video has been done too. As much as I would like to say I've done a good job, I don't think I really did, and what bothers me is that it doesn't bother me at all.
That's also because I think even if you stick a knife to me and asked me to open my mouth to ask for a price, I won't do it. I won't dare, and that's the thing that's going to make me penniless for the rest of my life.
Going into an opposite direction, another friend who asked me to do just about the same thing (it's actually a photo montage- simple yes, but still need a bit of cutting and effects here and there) told me to quote her a price.
"Er... er..." was the answer I gave.
"$200? $150?" She asked.
"No need so much la. Very simple to do." I said, half struggling with my pride which says I should be worth more.
"$70? $80?"
"Ya! $70 is fine. $70 is good." Shut up now, Deanna. Shut up, won't you?
"Seems a bit low, no?"
"Nah, it sounds simple. $70 is okay." I answered, and it was a deal.
Alas, in conclusion, my sideline is no more of an extra meal than a complement to the salary. The more I do this, the more I also get to know of myself. So Deanna is a person who tries to be good, pretends to be okay, but is secretly grousing. Then again, I foil my own intentions when I get the opportunity to ask for what I want with my conscience.
Gasp! This must mean one thing. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!
And thus, the man theory about women is true.
Don't matter. Anyway, every time people ask me to do videos, it's always been a struggle for me to determine a price for it. Or worse, to even put a price on it is so hard to do. I mean, for close friends I don't mind. And for church, it's a small service in comparison. But the disturbing ones are the ones whom you've never met, who are friends of friends.
I've just spent the last 3 nights doing up a video for this couple, one of whom is the sister of my teammate. While going through their photos and requirements, I am thinking of how much effort to put in. Well, I would very much like to, if I'm that way, declare that I should do my very best, even though no price was negotiated, and very likely, the amount that I'm working for is $0. I very much would like to say I would still put in 100% for $0. For people I don't even know.
But I should not kid myself.
I have always overlooked the way blessings and karma work. And obviously, as a Christian, one does not need karma at all. One will get what one does not deserve usually, in a good way. That's grace. But one should not stop the good because one knows one has been given grace. One should continue because the goodness comes from God, and not from one's own initiative.
Anyway, I told Sam, my other teammate about it, and she said, "Huh? If you don't even know if you're not getting paid, do for what?"
"So that I can amass enough karma and get to meet and marry the man of my dreams one day." I said, to rapturous laughter from her.
And at that point, I laughed so hard too, at my own silliness.
Well, now that it's been said, the 1st cut of the video has been done too. As much as I would like to say I've done a good job, I don't think I really did, and what bothers me is that it doesn't bother me at all.
That's also because I think even if you stick a knife to me and asked me to open my mouth to ask for a price, I won't do it. I won't dare, and that's the thing that's going to make me penniless for the rest of my life.
Going into an opposite direction, another friend who asked me to do just about the same thing (it's actually a photo montage- simple yes, but still need a bit of cutting and effects here and there) told me to quote her a price.
"Er... er..." was the answer I gave.
"$200? $150?" She asked.
"No need so much la. Very simple to do." I said, half struggling with my pride which says I should be worth more.
"$70? $80?"
"Ya! $70 is fine. $70 is good." Shut up now, Deanna. Shut up, won't you?
"Seems a bit low, no?"
"Nah, it sounds simple. $70 is okay." I answered, and it was a deal.
Alas, in conclusion, my sideline is no more of an extra meal than a complement to the salary. The more I do this, the more I also get to know of myself. So Deanna is a person who tries to be good, pretends to be okay, but is secretly grousing. Then again, I foil my own intentions when I get the opportunity to ask for what I want with my conscience.
Gasp! This must mean one thing. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!
And thus, the man theory about women is true.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Opportunities.
When we were young, how far did we think we would go? How far did you think you were gonna go?
Today, there was a meeting with the superior, and what came out were plans for the future. Therein, in the span of 10 minutes, golden opportunities- big, huge, international opportunities laid themselves on the ground. That is, if I choose to take it.
This evening, as I walked out of the office towards home, so many thoughts crawled through my tiny head. Do I just want to be a run-of-the-mill editor, or do I thirst for more? Will I be able to take the stress of the big projects and will I be able to make the sacrifice?
And then, this thought came creeping in. "What about God?"
"What about God?"
It disturbed me a little. You would think, God gives opportunities, right? You would think, "He's the one who hands it to you. He knows what you want and you want it. Take it."
Yet at the same time, my heart is saying,"Will you be consumed by this? Will you be able to have the time for His missions, His word, His ministry?"
I am stuck. Hopefully, as I start to pray about this, I'll get an answer that will bring peace into my heart. But still, I am quite excited about the opportunities. To totally misquote Katy Perry, that was my teenage dream. And it goes far beyond what I thought I will be doing.
You know what? I'm just going to continue dreaming big, and we'll see where He takes me.
Today, there was a meeting with the superior, and what came out were plans for the future. Therein, in the span of 10 minutes, golden opportunities- big, huge, international opportunities laid themselves on the ground. That is, if I choose to take it.
This evening, as I walked out of the office towards home, so many thoughts crawled through my tiny head. Do I just want to be a run-of-the-mill editor, or do I thirst for more? Will I be able to take the stress of the big projects and will I be able to make the sacrifice?
And then, this thought came creeping in. "What about God?"
"What about God?"
It disturbed me a little. You would think, God gives opportunities, right? You would think, "He's the one who hands it to you. He knows what you want and you want it. Take it."
Yet at the same time, my heart is saying,"Will you be consumed by this? Will you be able to have the time for His missions, His word, His ministry?"
I am stuck. Hopefully, as I start to pray about this, I'll get an answer that will bring peace into my heart. But still, I am quite excited about the opportunities. To totally misquote Katy Perry, that was my teenage dream. And it goes far beyond what I thought I will be doing.
You know what? I'm just going to continue dreaming big, and we'll see where He takes me.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
What Are Words
It seems that I've almost lost my love for writing. I looked at my past entries for the year and they were really short, some filled with concealed emotions and some with really bad grammar. Is this the time for the words to stop?
I hope not.
While it is truly hard to spill life's beans on a public platform, one that I can easily find just by googling my own name, I still find it nice to be able to express myself in my own space. Pity that when we're older, we've got to be more discerning, and therefore, unable to put our rawest thoughts up. After all, whatever we write out here is in black and white, stored for all eternity in the clouds of cyberspace. Also, if the topic is juicy, it's probably kinda P&C anyway.
So, the question is, how do I spice up the mundane things that happen in my daily life in my writing? I might just bore myself to death typing them out. HAHA. I need a thesaurus la.
Okay. Maybe I'll write about my achy-breaky bones in my next post. If I'm going to have to grow old, I might as well write about this kind of rheumatism/arthritis stuff sooner.
I hope not.
While it is truly hard to spill life's beans on a public platform, one that I can easily find just by googling my own name, I still find it nice to be able to express myself in my own space. Pity that when we're older, we've got to be more discerning, and therefore, unable to put our rawest thoughts up. After all, whatever we write out here is in black and white, stored for all eternity in the clouds of cyberspace. Also, if the topic is juicy, it's probably kinda P&C anyway.
So, the question is, how do I spice up the mundane things that happen in my daily life in my writing? I might just bore myself to death typing them out. HAHA. I need a thesaurus la.
Okay. Maybe I'll write about my achy-breaky bones in my next post. If I'm going to have to grow old, I might as well write about this kind of rheumatism/arthritis stuff sooner.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Coward
Courage, courage, where are you?
I need you to fight for what I want.
I don't want to stand alone, in a corner, looking at the lives that pass me by.
I don't want to be the lion that needs to walk the orange brick road.
Courage, courage.
I need you.
I need you to fight for what I want.
I don't want to stand alone, in a corner, looking at the lives that pass me by.
I don't want to be the lion that needs to walk the orange brick road.
Courage, courage.
I need you.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
I Smile Today.
I muster a smile today
At the sight of life
Oh, the cards of fate that deal
With coincidences and time.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Under The Cambodian Sun
I confess.
The reason why I went to Cambodia for the 2nd time was because I found Him there during my first trip. He was ever so strong, ever so mighty in that land.
And again, there He was, working so hard to free the land from its stronghold. There is always this warm, fuzzy feeling everyday when I was there, and even though we didn't do much but to support the local pastor during our time there, I could feel how He was using me to do his work.
When I go back to my daily life, I often forget the joy of life itself, and how lucky I am to be in Singapore, with proper sanitation, hot water for bathing, and so much more. Just having a toilet is a luxury in itself. It takes something like this, and of course, the memories of the village children to jolt me. Looking at a classroom of kids with ages that range from 3 years old to 15 years old learning about "Parts of a Body" can unlock emotions one never knew one had.
People usually go on mission trips and minister to others. I think it has the opposite effect on me.
Friday, June 22, 2012
You Are With Me
He holds my hand everyday. I am blessed beyond measure by His grace and mercy.
I thank you Lord, for this supernatural strength to keep me up even with little sleep.
It's another wave of crazy production, but I know my Lord will carry me through.
Amen.
I thank you Lord, for this supernatural strength to keep me up even with little sleep.
It's another wave of crazy production, but I know my Lord will carry me through.
Amen.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Once More, With Love.
And there I was, back again in the familiar surroundings of the House of Prayer. There are a lot of reflections, which I will try to journal down in the next few weeks or so.
In the meantime, it's back to reality.
An arduous task lie ahead of me for the next 2 weeks. But with faith, I'm sure I'll be able to get through it.
To quote a song that the team has been singing throughout the ten days in Siem Reap soil, "because He lives, I can face tomorrow."
Good night, all bodies.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Coffee In My Bloodstream
It's late.
I shouldn't be up. If not for what-felt-like-the-longest-meeting-ever and hot coffee, I would be sleeping by now without a heart palpating at 120 beats per minute.
Sigh, it's the coffee. My body is no longer used to caffeine. I used to down my favourite java chip frappuccino without any qualms, but now, I have to think twice about drinking any caffeine-laced product.
My heart now beats like an over-excited teenager who's just spotted her crush, but my mind is as old and tired as a 25 year old yearning for the bed. And it doesn't help if tomorrow is the big un-holiday holiday. Well, a mission trip could hardly be counted as a holiday, but I like the idea of going for the mission more than a holiday. Even though I may DIE OF FATIGUE over there. Or when I'm back, whichever occurs first. I have a concerned friend who always think of me whenever she reads about people dying of fatigue.
Again, I would like to emphasize that it's late. Not to anyone else, but yours truly. And yet, here I am, typing away, enjoying each stroke as the eyelids grow heavier. Did I mention this is the lightest I have ever packed? No time to be kiasu when you only have 8 kg to bring on board, and that includes this very Mac that I am typing on, not to mention a Canon 550D.
But you know, as the song goes, God Will Make A Way.
For baggage allowance.
And for the coffee to diffuse out of my bloodstream.
Goodnight.
I shouldn't be up. If not for what-felt-like-the-longest-meeting-ever and hot coffee, I would be sleeping by now without a heart palpating at 120 beats per minute.
Sigh, it's the coffee. My body is no longer used to caffeine. I used to down my favourite java chip frappuccino without any qualms, but now, I have to think twice about drinking any caffeine-laced product.
My heart now beats like an over-excited teenager who's just spotted her crush, but my mind is as old and tired as a 25 year old yearning for the bed. And it doesn't help if tomorrow is the big un-holiday holiday. Well, a mission trip could hardly be counted as a holiday, but I like the idea of going for the mission more than a holiday. Even though I may DIE OF FATIGUE over there. Or when I'm back, whichever occurs first. I have a concerned friend who always think of me whenever she reads about people dying of fatigue.
Again, I would like to emphasize that it's late. Not to anyone else, but yours truly. And yet, here I am, typing away, enjoying each stroke as the eyelids grow heavier. Did I mention this is the lightest I have ever packed? No time to be kiasu when you only have 8 kg to bring on board, and that includes this very Mac that I am typing on, not to mention a Canon 550D.
But you know, as the song goes, God Will Make A Way.
For baggage allowance.
And for the coffee to diffuse out of my bloodstream.
Goodnight.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
All Set For Cambodia
It's 12.44 on a Sunday evening, and I've finished sending emails back to my boss. I've also typed out an outline for my 30 minutes for a Youth Conference for Cambodia. My topic is "Christ".
There are a few nook and crannies left to be done, a few songs to rehearse, a few skits to go through, and I feel a tad more unprepared than the first time I went in 2010. But this time, this time, the heart is prepared.
I'm flying off on Friday. I can't wait. To give this 10 days to God.
It's going to be awesome.
There are a few nook and crannies left to be done, a few songs to rehearse, a few skits to go through, and I feel a tad more unprepared than the first time I went in 2010. But this time, this time, the heart is prepared.
I'm flying off on Friday. I can't wait. To give this 10 days to God.
It's going to be awesome.
Monday, May 28, 2012
The Next Phrase of Life
I often see people talking about the next phrase of their life.
And I wonder, would it be....
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching.
or
"When one door closes, another opens"
or
"Live like you're dying."
or
Well, I think we're really spoilt for choice because there's so many phrases in the English Language.
FYI the next time a person talks about their next phrases of life, I'm going to ask, which phrase, exactly?
And I wonder, would it be....
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching.
or
"When one door closes, another opens"
or
"Live like you're dying."
or
Well, I think we're really spoilt for choice because there's so many phrases in the English Language.
FYI the next time a person talks about their next phrases of life, I'm going to ask, which phrase, exactly?
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
On the prospects of building ships in shipyards and repairing them out at sea.
I still wake up sometimes,
turn my memories inside out,
and wonder if a friendship is ever possible.
turn my memories inside out,
and wonder if a friendship is ever possible.
Monday, May 7, 2012
My God is my pillar.
Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Amen!
Now to think of 2 testimonies for Cambodia...
Amen!
Now to think of 2 testimonies for Cambodia...
Thursday, May 3, 2012
It Never Comes
Every bit of you,
Supposedly gone with the wind,
Comes back from time to time
To torment me.
For I knew not then,
What I know now,
And what I know now,
Have been lost.
The sands of time
It creeps
No mercy on me
And my tongue of irony.
Every bit of you
Comes back little by little
Part by part
Never whole
It torments me.
You should have been dead in me
Like I already am in you
I try to smother your fragments
I yearn for a replacement.
It never comes.
Supposedly gone with the wind,
Comes back from time to time
To torment me.
For I knew not then,
What I know now,
And what I know now,
Have been lost.
The sands of time
It creeps
No mercy on me
And my tongue of irony.
Every bit of you
Comes back little by little
Part by part
Never whole
It torments me.
You should have been dead in me
Like I already am in you
I try to smother your fragments
I yearn for a replacement.
It never comes.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Kids Drive Us Nuts
For a stretch of 2 shoot days within a week, the whole production team had to deal with 2 batches of 100 kids because of our 100th episode special.
Imagine trying to fit 100 kids into a small studio, and getting them to do what we want!
We had "hot fudge sundae auntie" (my boss/director) trying to get the kids to do big reactions by gyrating crazily (in a kid friendly way), we had "swaying jie jie" (my colleague) trying to get the kids to sway for the finale of our MTV shoot, and we had "open your mouth" (my producer) trying desperately to get the morbid choir to look happy and open their mouths while the song lyrics play.
It was utter madness.
Our soundman has told me that one day, he will have to retreat to some mountains to find that peace and tranquility that the kids have destroyed in his heart.
And the kids weren't the worst thing to deal with.
It was the parents.
I made the mistake of telling my colleague who deals with kids and parents that for that day, the kids would wrap at a certain time, but instead, we overran by 2 hours.
So, at the end of our day, as we sent each kid out, 200 pairs of angry, impatient eyes were looking, scrutinising and waiting for their precious little darlings to be out. Then there were the complaints that felt never ending.
Well, it was a really hard lesson for me in time estimation. 1st AD-ing is challenging, but of course I hope I'll be up for it.
Till our next crazy shoot day.
Imagine trying to fit 100 kids into a small studio, and getting them to do what we want!
We had "hot fudge sundae auntie" (my boss/director) trying to get the kids to do big reactions by gyrating crazily (in a kid friendly way), we had "swaying jie jie" (my colleague) trying to get the kids to sway for the finale of our MTV shoot, and we had "open your mouth" (my producer) trying desperately to get the morbid choir to look happy and open their mouths while the song lyrics play.
It was utter madness.
Our soundman has told me that one day, he will have to retreat to some mountains to find that peace and tranquility that the kids have destroyed in his heart.
And the kids weren't the worst thing to deal with.
It was the parents.
I made the mistake of telling my colleague who deals with kids and parents that for that day, the kids would wrap at a certain time, but instead, we overran by 2 hours.
So, at the end of our day, as we sent each kid out, 200 pairs of angry, impatient eyes were looking, scrutinising and waiting for their precious little darlings to be out. Then there were the complaints that felt never ending.
Well, it was a really hard lesson for me in time estimation. 1st AD-ing is challenging, but of course I hope I'll be up for it.
Till our next crazy shoot day.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Smile To Self
This is what I do in the office when I'm alone.
I smile to myself.
A 25 years old woman smiling to herself in an empty office- siao.
Hurhur.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
It ain't so bad after all.
Had ice cream and a HTHT session till the wee hours of the morning with 2 closest teammates in the team and life doesn't look so bleak after all.
:)
I played for 6 minutes today, and it wasn't lousy at all. Perhaps the 1st minute was, but the rest was good.
Well, we lost in the end, but still, I'm so proud of my team.
We're 1.4 years old and we're 4th!
:)
I played for 6 minutes today, and it wasn't lousy at all. Perhaps the 1st minute was, but the rest was good.
Well, we lost in the end, but still, I'm so proud of my team.
We're 1.4 years old and we're 4th!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Stupidity
I've always thought of myself as a stupid person.
"Stupid", from the viewpoint of this world. Who will send others home when it's not on the way? Who will stay on as part of some farewell committee for a team, when you don't get any playing time at all? Who will stay away from the team I loved most because some ass told me to?
Among other things.
That's why I say, I've always thought of myself as a stupid person. Or rather, people come up to me and say, "Why are you so stupid?"
I don't know. But it was okay.
These days, I don't feel really okay to be stupid.
It sucks to know that you're not even a bench player, you're relegated to being a spectator. In all fairness, my coach has expressed her regret at this, and I understand why, I do, but my mind likes to speculate about all sorts of imaginary excuses. "You're just plain lousy."
I know that when I delve into this territory, it's dangerous. All the "me" thoughts, and the "I" thoughts and the "I should matter" thoughts. Self-pity is so sad.
These days, I'm wallowing. But I don't want to stay here and mope all over like a pathetic lonely person. Even though I'd like to, really, really like to.
So old already, still want to mope?
With hope, with God's grace, I'll be pulled out of it. After all, I am in this world, but NOT OF this world. I just need to put that into perspective. Again, pray for me?
"Stupid", from the viewpoint of this world. Who will send others home when it's not on the way? Who will stay on as part of some farewell committee for a team, when you don't get any playing time at all? Who will stay away from the team I loved most because some ass told me to?
Among other things.
That's why I say, I've always thought of myself as a stupid person. Or rather, people come up to me and say, "Why are you so stupid?"
I don't know. But it was okay.
These days, I don't feel really okay to be stupid.
It sucks to know that you're not even a bench player, you're relegated to being a spectator. In all fairness, my coach has expressed her regret at this, and I understand why, I do, but my mind likes to speculate about all sorts of imaginary excuses. "You're just plain lousy."
I know that when I delve into this territory, it's dangerous. All the "me" thoughts, and the "I" thoughts and the "I should matter" thoughts. Self-pity is so sad.
These days, I'm wallowing. But I don't want to stay here and mope all over like a pathetic lonely person. Even though I'd like to, really, really like to.
So old already, still want to mope?
With hope, with God's grace, I'll be pulled out of it. After all, I am in this world, but NOT OF this world. I just need to put that into perspective. Again, pray for me?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Keep me burning
Give me oil in my lamp
Keep me burning burning burning
Give me oil in my lamp I pray I pray
Give me oil in my lamp
Keep me burning burning burning
Keep me burning till the break of day
Keep me burning burning burning
Give me oil in my lamp I pray I pray
Give me oil in my lamp
Keep me burning burning burning
Keep me burning till the break of day
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
New Every Morning
I'm on the bed now. What did i dream of?
A really warped version of work. My mind is messing with me, I'm telling you. Especially on a free weekend. FREE.
Never mind. I'd like to acknowledge God's goodness because the 2nd thing I thought about after realizing my nightmare was but a dream, was the song 'The Steadfast Love.'
I love waking up to His presence. :)
A really warped version of work. My mind is messing with me, I'm telling you. Especially on a free weekend. FREE.
Never mind. I'd like to acknowledge God's goodness because the 2nd thing I thought about after realizing my nightmare was but a dream, was the song 'The Steadfast Love.'
I love waking up to His presence. :)
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Music Gets the Worst of Me
En route to set
Very chim, very chim.
My fingers are now shedding a few flakes of skin here and there, and I am able to strum 2 different strokes now.
However, when I strum, I cannot sing. And vice versa.
There's just something about the rhythm that I cannot catch. It's a left-brain/right-brain, mouth/ wrist coordination that I just can't put together as of now.
But well, I can always hope.
Anyhoo, that's my only form of entertainment nowadays. No life! No life!
But I have 3 weeks of weekends ahead of me. PURE UNTOUCHED WEEKENDS. (See, I'm going berserk already)
Then it's endless shooting till June.
With that note, I shall end this post. No mood to type further already.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The Steadfast Love Of the Lord Never Ceases
Thank you Lord for guiding me through leading bible study. It was daunting, but I know the Holy Spirit was with me all the way.
And next Friday, I pray for Your presence in the YPM office, to guide the musicians Esther and Cuiling, and to guide me in leading Praise and Worship.
Lord, even though people may leave and turn their backs on me, You've never left. Since the day I sang "He's Able" in kindergarten, to the day I sang "Shout To the Lord" in secondary school, even though I refused to believe in you then, You never gave up calling me into Your presence.
I made the right choice in You, Lord.
Great is thy faithfulness.
And next Friday, I pray for Your presence in the YPM office, to guide the musicians Esther and Cuiling, and to guide me in leading Praise and Worship.
Lord, even though people may leave and turn their backs on me, You've never left. Since the day I sang "He's Able" in kindergarten, to the day I sang "Shout To the Lord" in secondary school, even though I refused to believe in you then, You never gave up calling me into Your presence.
I made the right choice in You, Lord.
Great is thy faithfulness.
Friday, March 16, 2012
My New Muse.
That explains the bruised left fingertips. Sadly, am progressing at a slower-than-a-tortise rate, but still, progression IS progression nonetheless. Looking forward to the day where I can strum one song and at least can call myself somewhat musically-inclined. (Now my status is "musically declined.)
I will press on. My fingers, I mean.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
In The Still Of The Night
I'm still in the office, waiting for footages to be transferred.
But the song for the
episode that we filmed today is stuck in my head.
Darn the ear worms.
"in the still of the night
I remember holding you tight
Oh how I love, love you so
Promise I'll never let you go
In the still of the night"
Also the title aptly describes my time in the office for the past 3 days.
Really, I'm in the still of the night.
But the song for the
episode that we filmed today is stuck in my head.
Darn the ear worms.
"in the still of the night
I remember holding you tight
Oh how I love, love you so
Promise I'll never let you go
In the still of the night"
Also the title aptly describes my time in the office for the past 3 days.
Really, I'm in the still of the night.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Bag Of Tricks For The Editor
Once again, I'm emphasizing on the fact that I'm only 1 year in the industry, with a lot to learn, and a lot of grammar to correct (for my previous post, that is).
But I've learnt quite a few tricks from a few of the people in here. One earns more than five thousand a month just doing editing, and one does wedding videography. Looking at their style and works, I think I might have just found a winning formula on how to make videos look good.
1. Rack Focusing
This is probably more for the videographer. Always a surefire winner. When you put in pull focus shots, especially for on-the-fly event videography, it adds a touch of sophistication and somewhat enhances credibility. Always popular, whether it's a pull from the flowers in the foreground to guests in the background, the only thing is to restrain yourself from doing too much of it or the viewer will get sick of it.
2. Magic Bullet Looks
The one Final Cut Pro plug-in that all editors should have. You can throw your 3-way colour wheel out the window and stop fretting over colour-correction. Not everyone likes colour correcting, and it's always hard to define a mood. But with this plug-in, let the music play!
http://www.redgiantsoftware.com/products/all/magic-bullet-looks/
They didn't pay me to advertise for them, but I thought I should. If you use Instagram or any photo filter software on your iPhones, Magic Bullet works in the same way- except that you can continue to fine tune parts such as exposure, contrast, add vignettes and all the works, in a very user-friendly interface too.
3. Music
I always thought that one bed music would work for an entire clip, but after having edited 12 episodes of a tv show, it pays to change the mood through music. It will definitely enhance the emotions greatly, especially when you use the right piece at the right time. Big Bang and Fuzz are our current paid music source for now, and it's got quite a fantastic library. Of course, there are free ones around, like Jamendo.com, which I used to go to during my penniless university days.
4. Style
This is something that I'm trying to work on, and something that a lot of established editors already have. Sometimes I steal a glance at the experienced editor's timeline in FCP, and I can see the number of layers and the tricks that they use to add effects to their video. Finding your style is probably the hardest part, but with the above tools like Magic Bullet, music, and rack-focusing, it won't be as daunting.
Thumbs up to learning.
But I've learnt quite a few tricks from a few of the people in here. One earns more than five thousand a month just doing editing, and one does wedding videography. Looking at their style and works, I think I might have just found a winning formula on how to make videos look good.
1. Rack Focusing
This is probably more for the videographer. Always a surefire winner. When you put in pull focus shots, especially for on-the-fly event videography, it adds a touch of sophistication and somewhat enhances credibility. Always popular, whether it's a pull from the flowers in the foreground to guests in the background, the only thing is to restrain yourself from doing too much of it or the viewer will get sick of it.
2. Magic Bullet Looks
The one Final Cut Pro plug-in that all editors should have. You can throw your 3-way colour wheel out the window and stop fretting over colour-correction. Not everyone likes colour correcting, and it's always hard to define a mood. But with this plug-in, let the music play!
http://www.redgiantsoftware.com/products/all/magic-bullet-looks/
They didn't pay me to advertise for them, but I thought I should. If you use Instagram or any photo filter software on your iPhones, Magic Bullet works in the same way- except that you can continue to fine tune parts such as exposure, contrast, add vignettes and all the works, in a very user-friendly interface too.
3. Music
I always thought that one bed music would work for an entire clip, but after having edited 12 episodes of a tv show, it pays to change the mood through music. It will definitely enhance the emotions greatly, especially when you use the right piece at the right time. Big Bang and Fuzz are our current paid music source for now, and it's got quite a fantastic library. Of course, there are free ones around, like Jamendo.com, which I used to go to during my penniless university days.
4. Style
This is something that I'm trying to work on, and something that a lot of established editors already have. Sometimes I steal a glance at the experienced editor's timeline in FCP, and I can see the number of layers and the tricks that they use to add effects to their video. Finding your style is probably the hardest part, but with the above tools like Magic Bullet, music, and rack-focusing, it won't be as daunting.
Thumbs up to learning.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Roles Of A Production Team
I have been in the media industry for about a year now, and in only a short year, I've experienced 3 productions- 2 of which has wrapped, and one in the making. I thought it'll be good to share some of the stuff that I've learnt, and seriously, school does not prepare enough for real life hardcore productions.
Well, for now, I'll share about the roles of a production team.
The Executive Producers
This is where it starts. They are the ones who pumps in the money, who negotiate with the network to get stuff made. They can be very involved in the pre-production as well as post, and their decisions can overwrite the director. They are the first to jump-start a project and the last to scrutinise and wrap the final product.
The Producer
This person makes it happen. She hooks up with actors, directors, crew and draws up the budget. She is everybody's link during pre-production.
The 1st Assistant Director/ Conti Person
Nope, this person do not replace the director if he/she falls sick during production. Rather, this person is the one with the power, and the walkie-talkie, to push everyone from scene to scene. This person ensures that the director is happy in his bubble by ensuring that props show up on time, crew is ready on time, and also deals with whatever Murphy's law gives on the day itself without alarming the director. This is also the person that has the authority to announce "It's a wrap" at the end of the a production day. This person also watches out for continuity in different shots in a scene.
The Director
Many people think of the director as the eye of the entire production, that he or she does everything. In terms of content, he IS everything, as he comes up with the necessary shots, and determines if there is enough footage shot to cover all bases. Also the closest person to the monitor, they yell "Action" and "Cut" and is kept oblivious to production panics by the 1st AD.
The 2nd/3rd Assistant Director (aka Art Department and Wardrobe)
They work in small teams, preparing props/ wardrobe for the next scene as each scene is being filmed. They have to be alert in ensuring continuity of the props/ wardrobe. The Art Department earn their keep by being resourceful. When you need something, they know where to get them or they make something which is close enough. Nothing is obscure enough for them.
The Logger/ Data Wrangler
The logger stands by the monitor and record all takes shot for the day, with remarks on whether takes are good or bad. This same person also has the unspoken responsibility to check that each actor follow closely to his or her lines, and that each scene is covered. They are the first ones to shout out the lines when actors forget them. Being close to the monitor, they also check for continuity, and sometimes performance for the director when there are a lot of talents in shot. Especially kids who smile and look into the camera in narrative flicks. I've had my fair share of those.
The logger may also become the data wrangler, who hands over the footage to the editor in the desired format. The data wrangler may get raw files, and have to digitise/ ingest footage to make them suitable for editing. They also ensure that the aspect ratio and format of the clips are correct.
The Director of Photography/ Cinematographer
This person press the record button on the camera, and does whatever the director wants while ensuring the picture is beautiful. Often, this person has to have steady hands and strong body to carry a camera around, especially when hand-held shots are needed.
Lights
Without them, everything will look like crap. 70% of beautiful pictures depends on lighting. They are the guys who take the longest, but we have no choice. Smart planning of shots cuts down lighting time.
Soundman
Often forgotten, the soundman's job is very crucial to a production. You won't notice good sound in the cinema when you watch a film, because it's close to what you hear in real life. However, you can easily get distracted or irritated by bad sound. Usually there is only one soundman on set with their mixer in a huge pouch, and having the boom mike in shot is one of the most important thing to avoid while filming.
I might have missed out on a few roles, eg. the scriptwriter... but believe me, any production worthy of any value have a good and responsible team working behind it. It is like dominoes, if one falls, the whole production crashes.
That said, let's face that no one is indispensible too, so everyone has to work their asses off to give a good show. It's really exciting, so if you're interested, give it a shot. But know what you want to do, and do your job well. And then you'll see the fun in the crazy schedules.
Well, for now, I'll share about the roles of a production team.
The Executive Producers
This is where it starts. They are the ones who pumps in the money, who negotiate with the network to get stuff made. They can be very involved in the pre-production as well as post, and their decisions can overwrite the director. They are the first to jump-start a project and the last to scrutinise and wrap the final product.
The Producer
This person makes it happen. She hooks up with actors, directors, crew and draws up the budget. She is everybody's link during pre-production.
The 1st Assistant Director/ Conti Person
Nope, this person do not replace the director if he/she falls sick during production. Rather, this person is the one with the power, and the walkie-talkie, to push everyone from scene to scene. This person ensures that the director is happy in his bubble by ensuring that props show up on time, crew is ready on time, and also deals with whatever Murphy's law gives on the day itself without alarming the director. This is also the person that has the authority to announce "It's a wrap" at the end of the a production day. This person also watches out for continuity in different shots in a scene.
The Director
Many people think of the director as the eye of the entire production, that he or she does everything. In terms of content, he IS everything, as he comes up with the necessary shots, and determines if there is enough footage shot to cover all bases. Also the closest person to the monitor, they yell "Action" and "Cut" and is kept oblivious to production panics by the 1st AD.
The 2nd/3rd Assistant Director (aka Art Department and Wardrobe)
They work in small teams, preparing props/ wardrobe for the next scene as each scene is being filmed. They have to be alert in ensuring continuity of the props/ wardrobe. The Art Department earn their keep by being resourceful. When you need something, they know where to get them or they make something which is close enough. Nothing is obscure enough for them.
The Logger/ Data Wrangler
The logger stands by the monitor and record all takes shot for the day, with remarks on whether takes are good or bad. This same person also has the unspoken responsibility to check that each actor follow closely to his or her lines, and that each scene is covered. They are the first ones to shout out the lines when actors forget them. Being close to the monitor, they also check for continuity, and sometimes performance for the director when there are a lot of talents in shot. Especially kids who smile and look into the camera in narrative flicks. I've had my fair share of those.
The logger may also become the data wrangler, who hands over the footage to the editor in the desired format. The data wrangler may get raw files, and have to digitise/ ingest footage to make them suitable for editing. They also ensure that the aspect ratio and format of the clips are correct.
The Director of Photography/ Cinematographer
This person press the record button on the camera, and does whatever the director wants while ensuring the picture is beautiful. Often, this person has to have steady hands and strong body to carry a camera around, especially when hand-held shots are needed.
Lights
Without them, everything will look like crap. 70% of beautiful pictures depends on lighting. They are the guys who take the longest, but we have no choice. Smart planning of shots cuts down lighting time.
Soundman
Often forgotten, the soundman's job is very crucial to a production. You won't notice good sound in the cinema when you watch a film, because it's close to what you hear in real life. However, you can easily get distracted or irritated by bad sound. Usually there is only one soundman on set with their mixer in a huge pouch, and having the boom mike in shot is one of the most important thing to avoid while filming.
I might have missed out on a few roles, eg. the scriptwriter... but believe me, any production worthy of any value have a good and responsible team working behind it. It is like dominoes, if one falls, the whole production crashes.
That said, let's face that no one is indispensible too, so everyone has to work their asses off to give a good show. It's really exciting, so if you're interested, give it a shot. But know what you want to do, and do your job well. And then you'll see the fun in the crazy schedules.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Firsts
They're hard to forget.
By the way, I've had a bit too much to drink and did something ridiculous with the friends. It felt good though, with a little "release" power.
After so many years, so many teammates, these few are the ones I can count on.
Tomorrow will be another first- I'm AD-ing during tomorrow's shoot. Sure hope everything goes smoothly.
Speaking of which, I ought to get some sleep in order to plow through tomorrow and Sunday. Welcome to the production line.
Goodnight, and I promise you, once these eyelids of mine stop drooping, I'll draw Audrey Hepburn for you, Yan.
By the way, I've had a bit too much to drink and did something ridiculous with the friends. It felt good though, with a little "release" power.
After so many years, so many teammates, these few are the ones I can count on.
Tomorrow will be another first- I'm AD-ing during tomorrow's shoot. Sure hope everything goes smoothly.
Speaking of which, I ought to get some sleep in order to plow through tomorrow and Sunday. Welcome to the production line.
Goodnight, and I promise you, once these eyelids of mine stop drooping, I'll draw Audrey Hepburn for you, Yan.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
It is a quarter after one and i need you now, sleep.
Don't like the feeling of thinking of past glory days like it never ended.
It did. So move on already nitwit.
Okay.
Obedience is hard.
Makes one feel a little skeet-zo sometimes.
Must work more to block out quarter life crisis.
Okay.
It did. So move on already nitwit.
Okay.
Obedience is hard.
Makes one feel a little skeet-zo sometimes.
Must work more to block out quarter life crisis.
Okay.
The Story
All of the lines across my face
Tells you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean a thing
When you got no one to tell them to
It's true. I was meant for you.
- Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez
Tells you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean a thing
When you got no one to tell them to
It's true. I was meant for you.
- Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
#16 I Was Really Young When I First Heard Her
Someday, she'll be singing this set at the Grammies,
and all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Singleton's Day
I once had a Valentine,
whose eyes had a smile
and a grin so darn wide
This concept of love
took me utterly by surprise
what was it, exactly,
to make stubbornness stand aside
As the law of gravity dictates
what goes up must come down
I flew too high and lost control
Then crashed tumbling, tumbling down
short-lived and sudden
it was over, in a blink
And so the next Valentine's,
I was buying my own drinks
From then on,
I was on my own
A singleton, a simpleton
A cranky old soul, simply alone
In time to come,
I learned more about love
Not just to Valentines
But to friends, and a little brother.
Without this trigger
It might have stayed a myth
That love truly is
God's greatest gift
So I raise my glass to God
And celebrate this time
May we all learn to love one another
And a happy Valentine's
whose eyes had a smile
and a grin so darn wide
This concept of love
took me utterly by surprise
what was it, exactly,
to make stubbornness stand aside
As the law of gravity dictates
what goes up must come down
I flew too high and lost control
Then crashed tumbling, tumbling down
short-lived and sudden
it was over, in a blink
And so the next Valentine's,
I was buying my own drinks
From then on,
I was on my own
A singleton, a simpleton
A cranky old soul, simply alone
In time to come,
I learned more about love
Not just to Valentines
But to friends, and a little brother.
Without this trigger
It might have stayed a myth
That love truly is
God's greatest gift
So I raise my glass to God
And celebrate this time
May we all learn to love one another
And a happy Valentine's
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
This Title Was Intentially Left Blank.
iwanttoflytosomewherefarawayandlivethereforawhileuntilrealityhitsmethankyouverymuch.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
#5 "Baby Faced Assasin"
It's never easy to be a super sub, but Ole Gunnar Soljkaer makes it look easy.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
I've Got A New Wacom Bamboo!
And so am trying to practice drawing on it. May also be using it for editing as one director has told me it's much faster. Sorry for the ugly drawing, hopefully it'll will improve with time.
Thank you Charlene Su Jieying (must put full name :)) for your lovely gift!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Mustafa Centre
As a night of furious discussions with the brother and parents during dinner drew to a close, the father decided to bring us to the only place still open to get the brother's watch in time for the start of his army daze tomorrow.
Mustafa Centre remains the only place where I'll get lost in, because nothing really make sense in there. From sports it jumps to toys, then hardware is right on top of the food section which is squashed on the middle floor. Or something like that. I find it rather amusing that every item is stacked on top of each other, limitless in quantity. It strips all brands down to what they really are- commodities. No frills, no glamour, just a lotta goods.
It also remains the best place to get props for production. I remember heading to mustafa at 7 in the morning 2 or 3 times just to get balloons for shoots. Or 10pm at night for drawing blocks and light bulbs.
Good for holding hands too, as you see all the Indian brothers clinging on to each other affectionately. Good for them la.
Love the place and all it's offerings. Beat that, NTUC.
Mustafa Centre remains the only place where I'll get lost in, because nothing really make sense in there. From sports it jumps to toys, then hardware is right on top of the food section which is squashed on the middle floor. Or something like that. I find it rather amusing that every item is stacked on top of each other, limitless in quantity. It strips all brands down to what they really are- commodities. No frills, no glamour, just a lotta goods.
It also remains the best place to get props for production. I remember heading to mustafa at 7 in the morning 2 or 3 times just to get balloons for shoots. Or 10pm at night for drawing blocks and light bulbs.
Good for holding hands too, as you see all the Indian brothers clinging on to each other affectionately. Good for them la.
Love the place and all it's offerings. Beat that, NTUC.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
It's Going to be a Long Year
Right. The year of the dragon has ushered itself into our midst.
Ironically, except for superstitious parents who are aiming for dragon babies, the year will probably creep by without much fanfare. By next month, we'll probably forget which zodiac sin this year falls under as we return to our daily grind. Which, by all accounts, is fine by me.
But of course, it was a good break. So good, that I prayed for rest and it literally came in the form of a relative's bed which I slept on for 2 hours. While my mother caught up with her sisters, I caught forty winks.
I just love God's grace and how our prayers are always answered in special ways.
Ironically, except for superstitious parents who are aiming for dragon babies, the year will probably creep by without much fanfare. By next month, we'll probably forget which zodiac sin this year falls under as we return to our daily grind. Which, by all accounts, is fine by me.
But of course, it was a good break. So good, that I prayed for rest and it literally came in the form of a relative's bed which I slept on for 2 hours. While my mother caught up with her sisters, I caught forty winks.
I just love God's grace and how our prayers are always answered in special ways.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Dong Dong Dong Chiang!
Is it Chinese New Year yet?
After a really hectic week- actually, am still having that hectic week, it is only Thursday night/ Friday morning after all- the Chinese New Year weekend doesn't feel like one.
Or rather, it feels even more kan cheong because it's the Chinese New Year weekend. No time to buy new shoes, or clean up the room, or even sleep, because it's just crazy.
Today, in the middle of quietness in the office (as everyone else was at home sleeping after an overnight shoot), I thought to myself as I was staring into Photoshop, "Is is how being a career woman feel like? To just work like crazy and not sleep and still have the energy to work the next day? To have no time to meet friends because of impending deadlines and assignments?"
"AM I GOING TO END UP ALONE BUT BE OKAY WITH IT?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...."
Jang! Jang! Jang! (Literal translation of dramatic music that's always in my edits.)
Well, maybe I'll get the answer tomorrow when I stare at Excel to build up my post production schedule for the year. YES FOR THE YEAR. Till 2013, siao.
Okay, almost done syncing music for the new iPod Touch, which I christian-ed (such a blasphemous use of this word in this case) "Nonsense" when I thought it couldn't be synced. In the words of a boyband of yore, N'sync-ed. Or rather, and..... sync-ed!
Time to crash. Bye bye bye. (At 3am in the morning I can still pun. I surprise myself.)
After a really hectic week- actually, am still having that hectic week, it is only Thursday night/ Friday morning after all- the Chinese New Year weekend doesn't feel like one.
Or rather, it feels even more kan cheong because it's the Chinese New Year weekend. No time to buy new shoes, or clean up the room, or even sleep, because it's just crazy.
Today, in the middle of quietness in the office (as everyone else was at home sleeping after an overnight shoot), I thought to myself as I was staring into Photoshop, "Is is how being a career woman feel like? To just work like crazy and not sleep and still have the energy to work the next day? To have no time to meet friends because of impending deadlines and assignments?"
"AM I GOING TO END UP ALONE BUT BE OKAY WITH IT?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...."
Jang! Jang! Jang! (Literal translation of dramatic music that's always in my edits.)
Well, maybe I'll get the answer tomorrow when I stare at Excel to build up my post production schedule for the year. YES FOR THE YEAR. Till 2013, siao.
Okay, almost done syncing music for the new iPod Touch, which I christian-ed (such a blasphemous use of this word in this case) "Nonsense" when I thought it couldn't be synced. In the words of a boyband of yore, N'sync-ed. Or rather, and..... sync-ed!
Time to crash. Bye bye bye. (At 3am in the morning I can still pun. I surprise myself.)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Grace Is A Beautiful Thing.
This quote is very apt for me. But it's very random.
Today, after a "scary but punchy and impactful" service, Sheila was talking to her friend whom she'd just brought to church on the way to lunch.
The friend expressed his thoughts. "I felt that the church should emphasize on how the members should behave, on how to be good so that there is a clear idea of how Christians should conduct themselves, and be sinless and also, newcomers will work hard towards changing their hearts so that they can be ready to be Christians."
(something along those lines)
Sound logical right?
But God's grace defies logic.
Sheila answered,"That's where you are wrong. The thing about being a Christian is that we're all sinners. Only after we accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, then we are able to change, because He can then mould us and change us inside. If we were to do good works on our own in order to go to heaven, wouldn't that be the same as the basis of every other religion?"
That reminded me of Grace. His Grace.
When I just started out in my spiritual walk, my walk was slow. I wasn't anywhere near Him, and I had all the wrong ideas. My heart was in the wrong places and my mind was preoccupied. I was a sinner in my first year as a Christian, and I still am now, for there are so many traps and so many things of the world that still distracts me.
My non-believer friends asked me, "Why do you still follow Christ even though you've done things totally un-biblical, condemnable, wrong?"
"Because", it flowed out quite fast, without thinking,"even when I abandoned Him, He has never abandoned me. He showed me favour at work, He gave me opportunities, He helped me survive everything thrown at me, and he takes away my fear."
"He has never abandoned me."
Now tell me, how beautiful this thing Grace is? It's always there, for everyone to take and it's free. It's been paid for in blood. And it is enough for all men.
So, knowing that the Lord knows me and loves me for all my flaws and my weaknesses, it's my turn to learn how to love Him too.
"When we come to worship
bow down and pray
may the light of Jesus
anoint us each day"
Friday, January 13, 2012
With slightly deeper wallets comes great responsibility.
Okay, I admit.
I'm tiptoeing between the line of being a slightly indulgent shopper and a complete shopaholic.
I just busted the bank with a new iPod touch and new clothes amounting to no less than $300 in 3 weeks. Ah, help me!
On one hand, I feel the need to treat myself at the thought of turning a quarter of a century this year. Plus, the Chinese New Year tradition dictates that one should wear new clothes on the first day of spring.
On the other hand, wah lao! No savings already ah girl!
But every girl's clothes has a silver lining (pun alert!). Mine is that I have one sister to share them with. Granted, she's shorter, skinner and recently overjoyed because her boobs are much bigger (good for her), but well, she still can fit into my clothes. So, not so bad la, hor? One top, 2 people share. That makes good economic sense, if I say so myself.
I'm really bullshitting my way through. HAHAHA.
I'm tiptoeing between the line of being a slightly indulgent shopper and a complete shopaholic.
I just busted the bank with a new iPod touch and new clothes amounting to no less than $300 in 3 weeks. Ah, help me!
On one hand, I feel the need to treat myself at the thought of turning a quarter of a century this year. Plus, the Chinese New Year tradition dictates that one should wear new clothes on the first day of spring.
On the other hand, wah lao! No savings already ah girl!
But every girl's clothes has a silver lining (pun alert!). Mine is that I have one sister to share them with. Granted, she's shorter, skinner and recently overjoyed because her boobs are much bigger (good for her), but well, she still can fit into my clothes. So, not so bad la, hor? One top, 2 people share. That makes good economic sense, if I say so myself.
I'm really bullshitting my way through. HAHAHA.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Baptised.
On the 8th of January 2012, I was baptised in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Video evidence showed that my face was one of fear and nervousness. My friends, who were in the chapel, giggled and laughed when they saw how different I looked as compared to Joyce, who was baptised right before me. She had a face of calmness, like she was well prepared and ready.
After the ceremony, people asked me, "Eh, what happened to you? How come you look so scared, like you want to smile but you don't want to smile?"
To tell the truth, I'm not really sure, but I believe that it has got something to do with my mother.
Rewind to 2 months ago.
When I finally obtained the baptism form, and told my parents, they had no intention of coming to my baptism. Thankfully, my big sister was very encouraging and she told me she'll come. She also successfully coaxed my small sister.
However, my mother insisted that she had no business to be there.
Okay, now back to the 8th.
I was very excited on that day, because I was able to show 1/3 of my family what I was up to, what my church looks like and what we do here. As the ceremony neared, a little girl seated next to me had her whole family in tow. Sisters, cousins, aunties, and of course, her family. They happily took pictures, and in order not to ruin their shot, I had to dodge a little.
While the rest of my friends came, my sister called to inform me they'll be running a little late. Can anot? She asked. She was afraid that at 1.45pm sharp, I'll be dunked and she'll miss it all.
"Can, can." I said. I was number 33. It will take a while before it'll be my turn.
After Praise and Worship, I was in overdrive. I turned around to search for my two sisters in the chapel. Hmm, where could they be?
Then I saw them. There wasn't just the 2 of them though, my very own mother was seated right there, just before the last row where Auntie Ruth and Uncle Tony sat. "Joyce!" I said, "My mother is here leh!"
It was surreal. Very overwhelming. And then my heart never stopped beating rapidly after that.
On the stage, about a few people before my turn, I was still looking up at my mother and my sisters, waving happily to them. I guess in hindsight, I should have taken some time to catch my breath, pray for calmness and peace during the baptism. But I didn't. I was so caught up in seeing my very own mother here, and feeling so blessed by His goodness that I became a small little jumpity excited child again.
In the pool, while the Elder Daniel Foo held my hands and said the lines, I was still full of excitment. "Don't breathe in the water, don't breath in the water," was all that was running through my mind. "Oh shucks, there's a videocam on my face and I'm live in front of the whole chapel. Where do I look, what do I do?"
And that explained the mystery of my perplexed face.
But when the moment came for the pastor to push me into the water, it happened fast. It was painless, relaxed, and all seemed peaceful again. It was His goodness rushing over me.
However, when I rose from the waters, I was again, my anxious self, trying to sweep my untidy wet hair away from my face, and wondering whether the seed has been planted in my family's heart.
At the end of the day, a baptism is a simple ceremony to acknowledge Christ and to identify with His death and resurrection. But my baptism was really special. God gave me a big gift that day and that was my family, whom I have longed to share Christ with.
Epilogue
As I followed my family to do their shopping afterwards, my mother said that she came because at first, she wanted to wait for my sisters at Orchard. However, my big sister convinced my mother that it'll be fast and she didn't have to do anything, just sit and watch the ceremony. My mother kept saying it was by chance that she was there, even though she told my sister that I would surely be very touched if she appeared.
I was very touched. And of course, did she really appear by chance? That's what she would like to think, but I think we all know who's really behind this.
Video evidence showed that my face was one of fear and nervousness. My friends, who were in the chapel, giggled and laughed when they saw how different I looked as compared to Joyce, who was baptised right before me. She had a face of calmness, like she was well prepared and ready.
After the ceremony, people asked me, "Eh, what happened to you? How come you look so scared, like you want to smile but you don't want to smile?"
To tell the truth, I'm not really sure, but I believe that it has got something to do with my mother.
Rewind to 2 months ago.
When I finally obtained the baptism form, and told my parents, they had no intention of coming to my baptism. Thankfully, my big sister was very encouraging and she told me she'll come. She also successfully coaxed my small sister.
However, my mother insisted that she had no business to be there.
Okay, now back to the 8th.
I was very excited on that day, because I was able to show 1/3 of my family what I was up to, what my church looks like and what we do here. As the ceremony neared, a little girl seated next to me had her whole family in tow. Sisters, cousins, aunties, and of course, her family. They happily took pictures, and in order not to ruin their shot, I had to dodge a little.
While the rest of my friends came, my sister called to inform me they'll be running a little late. Can anot? She asked. She was afraid that at 1.45pm sharp, I'll be dunked and she'll miss it all.
"Can, can." I said. I was number 33. It will take a while before it'll be my turn.
After Praise and Worship, I was in overdrive. I turned around to search for my two sisters in the chapel. Hmm, where could they be?
Then I saw them. There wasn't just the 2 of them though, my very own mother was seated right there, just before the last row where Auntie Ruth and Uncle Tony sat. "Joyce!" I said, "My mother is here leh!"
It was surreal. Very overwhelming. And then my heart never stopped beating rapidly after that.
On the stage, about a few people before my turn, I was still looking up at my mother and my sisters, waving happily to them. I guess in hindsight, I should have taken some time to catch my breath, pray for calmness and peace during the baptism. But I didn't. I was so caught up in seeing my very own mother here, and feeling so blessed by His goodness that I became a small little jumpity excited child again.
In the pool, while the Elder Daniel Foo held my hands and said the lines, I was still full of excitment. "Don't breathe in the water, don't breath in the water," was all that was running through my mind. "Oh shucks, there's a videocam on my face and I'm live in front of the whole chapel. Where do I look, what do I do?"
And that explained the mystery of my perplexed face.
But when the moment came for the pastor to push me into the water, it happened fast. It was painless, relaxed, and all seemed peaceful again. It was His goodness rushing over me.
However, when I rose from the waters, I was again, my anxious self, trying to sweep my untidy wet hair away from my face, and wondering whether the seed has been planted in my family's heart.
At the end of the day, a baptism is a simple ceremony to acknowledge Christ and to identify with His death and resurrection. But my baptism was really special. God gave me a big gift that day and that was my family, whom I have longed to share Christ with.
Epilogue
As I followed my family to do their shopping afterwards, my mother said that she came because at first, she wanted to wait for my sisters at Orchard. However, my big sister convinced my mother that it'll be fast and she didn't have to do anything, just sit and watch the ceremony. My mother kept saying it was by chance that she was there, even though she told my sister that I would surely be very touched if she appeared.
I was very touched. And of course, did she really appear by chance? That's what she would like to think, but I think we all know who's really behind this.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Tomorrow.
It's been a tiring day today with a full day of shoot.
But tomorrow, it'll be great.
After 2 years and 3 months of being in church, I'm taking a major step forward. Okay, it's actually not that major. Becoming a full time church staff or permanent overseas missionary, that's more major than what I'm doing now.
But still, each step gets us closer to God, and closer to Heaven.
So, I'm proud to announce that I will be getting baptised tomorrow!
To God be the glory.
Okay, now I need to rest. Very tired.
But tomorrow, it'll be great.
After 2 years and 3 months of being in church, I'm taking a major step forward. Okay, it's actually not that major. Becoming a full time church staff or permanent overseas missionary, that's more major than what I'm doing now.
But still, each step gets us closer to God, and closer to Heaven.
So, I'm proud to announce that I will be getting baptised tomorrow!
To God be the glory.
Okay, now I need to rest. Very tired.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
This Year Begins.
Tonight,
We are young.
So let's set the world on fire,
We can burn brighter than the sun.
We are young.
So let's set the world on fire,
We can burn brighter than the sun.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Twenty Twelve.
I spent the first hour of 2012 watching fireworks from the 25th floor of an office building in Raffles Place.
Then the next hour relaxing in the office with Joyce, Cathy and boyfriend while waiting for the streets to clear.
After we finally thought that all is good at 2.30am, we stepped out from the building, only to see "zombies" at the sidewalk of every corner, every pavement, everywhere. They were all doing the same thing we wanted to do- stuck their hands out to flag for cabs. Some sat down, exasperated, some were dialing numbers like mad, and then there are the ones whose first few hours of 2012 were spent sleeping on the streets, dead drunk.
Our party of four went a big round and walked from Raffles Place to Chinatown, then to Central at Clarke Quay. There were people everywhere. Thank God for Cathy's brother, who come to pick us up in the cab snatching frenzy.
From the way these people partied, it seemed like they were partying like there's no tomorrow. Is 2012 going to be so hard?
I don't know, but I know it'll be good, as long as I take in my daily Bread and walk close with Him. It'll be great.
Then the next hour relaxing in the office with Joyce, Cathy and boyfriend while waiting for the streets to clear.
After we finally thought that all is good at 2.30am, we stepped out from the building, only to see "zombies" at the sidewalk of every corner, every pavement, everywhere. They were all doing the same thing we wanted to do- stuck their hands out to flag for cabs. Some sat down, exasperated, some were dialing numbers like mad, and then there are the ones whose first few hours of 2012 were spent sleeping on the streets, dead drunk.
Our party of four went a big round and walked from Raffles Place to Chinatown, then to Central at Clarke Quay. There were people everywhere. Thank God for Cathy's brother, who come to pick us up in the cab snatching frenzy.
From the way these people partied, it seemed like they were partying like there's no tomorrow. Is 2012 going to be so hard?
I don't know, but I know it'll be good, as long as I take in my daily Bread and walk close with Him. It'll be great.
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