Unexpectations

I already had plans for the day. After first service, there'll be 2 meetings and brunch, then home sweet home for an afternoon of rest and exploring the new iMac.

It was unexpected that i should wake up late.

That I have to decide whether to go for 2nd service and blow off my meetings.

That maybe, evening service was a better solution and I should just grab my laptop, go for my meetings and find a spot near church to do my work till evening service.

Of course, the thought of continuing my sleep was a tempting option too.

I chose the 2nd option, had my 2 meetings, did my work at Sheila's house, saw Leah and Shannon during evening service, had dinner with them and 3 other older church members, listened to some valuable, timely advice from these new friends, and wondered if that's God's plan for my day all along.

I'm now on the way home, with Uncle Chay dropping me off at Woodlands. And I'm just thinking," God, You are such an unexpectation. You never fail to surprise me and put me in awe of the things You can do."

My God is awesome. And His plan for today, they're way better than mine :)

My spambots stranger friends, you should get to know Him.

Survivor.

Rejoice! It is over!! Production, that it.

After how many days of misery, this part of my life is over. OOOOOVERRRR.

Joy to the world, it's going to be December again.

:)

And I really believe in GIGATT.

God Is Good, All The Time.

An Expensive Purchase

Just when I was cracking my head and thinking how the heck I'm going to do my editing work from home during the holidays with my 4 year old MacBook Pro which lags like nobody's business, I found a refurbished 27" iMac with pretty decent specs while trolling Apple's website.

And so... after 1 hour of deep thinking.... I'm now the proud and broke owner of a new iMac!

At $2800plus, it's cheaper than a new MacBook Pro, and faster. It's kind of portable too, if you think about it- just heavy. Plus, it's got Thunderbolt. The more I look at it, the more it feels worth it.

Wah, but seriously, am breaking the bank every month. First it was the iPhone, now an iMac. I just hope it stops here and I can go back to buying my clothes which cost less than both of these items.

Which brings me to my savings. After a whole year of trying to save, I blew 3/4 of my life savings on the iMac. Uh oh.

Okay. I'll be having grass for the next few months. Thanks.

I Did Put It As My Blog Heading

"Refine me, Lord, through the flame."

That was what I seeked. To be refined, to be molded into a character of God, to be more and more like Him each day, to learn new things and push myself forward.

But it's been tough.

The job has been taking a toll on the spirit. There is very little joy, very little confidence and a lot, a lot of self doubt recently. Somehow, I've managed to get on the wrong end of everybody's tail, and I feel the brunt coming down on me, like a domino effect, one after another.

I can analyze this a million times, go over it many times, blame it on everyone else, and still, it won't matter because what's done is done. I only have 2 more days of shoot before this nightmare is over, but it's really hard keeping it together. It's always on hindsight, on hindsight that I'll be told that I should have done this, or that. Basically I'm running about like a headless chicken, bearing the wrath of everyone on set.

It's the first time I ever felt so small, so helpless. So lost. And this whole house moving thing isn't helping at all.

Joyce said to me, "Deanna, praise God in times of need, so that you'll be able to feel His comfort. You have to try praising God even when you're at your lowest. For He is always there, His mercies never end."

Lord, I praise you. I praise Your wonderful name, Your works. I praise You, even when I'm battered and broke, even when my spirit lies in ruins, I praise You Lord, for You are the only one worthy of all praise, for You will deliver me, You will hold me and protect me. Lord, I know that You have a plan, and this is my refinement, this is my moulding, this is my training. I thank you Lord for this, and I pray for the strength, for the will, for the Spirit within me to stand up and fight against everything that is wrong, to conquer whatever that is going wrong. Lord, You protect me with your staff. If You are for me, who can be against me? Thank you for loving me, and sending so many friends to comfort me, to know that You are there, listening.

Amen.

Moving House

In 4 days time, I bid adieu to the lovely town of Bishan, which I've stayed at all my life, and relocate myself to the west.

I dread this change, this move, this dynamic shift.

On Thursday, I will wake up in my normal life, go to work, and come home to a whole new environment, one that for now feels far, cold, chocolaty (from the Cadbury factory in Boon Lay), and strangely nostalgic just because I was there for 4 years for university.

One of my grouses is that church is much more far away than before. It is really going from the west coast to the east, and I pray hard that God will make a way for me to go to church without much hassle. Maybe I should get used to snoozing in the train most of the time from station to station?

Another one of my complaints is that I'm living so far away from everyone else now, especially my friends in the north and central area. They've already made it clear that they'll never send me home to Lakeside ever. Such friends right? Well, at least there's Yan Yan. Hor, Yan Yan?

Well, for the next 3 days, I'm going to try and hug every lamp post that I pass when I go home in Bishan. The keyword is try.

Comedy Is Serious Business

Nothing prepared me for the stress that I faced the past 6 days as a 1st Assistant Director on the set of a narrative drama.

It was a crazy time trying to keep up with the director, all while making sure every department knows their brief, and keeping the actors in check. I wished I was an octopus, but with 8 brains instead of tentacles.

Even though I have shadowed another 1st AD on the previous season of this show, it was not enough to understand the proper workflow of things. Well, this grueling period brought a whole new level of toughness. I must admit, at one or two point, I wanted to break down. That was the easiest thing to do, of course. It is really hard when the director uses terms that I've never heard of. Well, sometimes he used simple terms like "left of camera" and "angle your body", but it takes a while for the overworked brain to process. And it doesn't help when you see the director's frustrated face, yelling at everybody, and telling you that everything you've been doing is wrong.

It'll be 5 more shoot days before this nightmare is over.

But, I'm still grateful for this opportunity, tough as it might be. I remembered the director whispering to me, "You're doing this now so that you can be a director in the future, isn't it?" In my mind, I was thinking, er, nope... I want to edit, not direct, but suddenly, I was jolted back to the past.

Back then, in the hallways with all my friends, I've always told them I want to be a director. 

And wow, look where I am now.