Obsession

Reading from CS Lewis's books, one observation that he brought across, and halted me in my tracks, is the observation of the artist. The artist loves drawing God's creation - the clouds, the grass, nature. His first love was God and His handiwork, then he begins to fuss over his drawings, which paints should he use, what strokes, what materials? 

When he gets to purgatory, he sees a glimpse of heaven, and he is eager to draw the beauty surrounding him. But there are no paints in this particular place. He meets with a Spirit to lament over this fact that he cannot draw out the beauty of the place. The Spirit replies, "you're supposed to look at the place, observe it, take it in, but not draw it. The beauty of it is right in front of your eyes! The paintings and drawings you do on Earth are copies of the real creation, they do not display the Creator's glorious work. "

"Yes I understand the beauty of it. Therefore, I must draw it!"

"Well, if you're interested in the view only for the sake of drawing it, you'll never learn anything about it!"

That quite stumped me.

How many times have I been guilty of wanting to be a Christian but not truly understanding who is Christ? Leading worship and bible study because I'm "good enough"? Making videos for church and getting praised for my skills? Priding myself on always being in church despite having a busy schedule?

Pretty sure, at least 10 times throughout my 5 years of Christian walk, and I'm being modest here. I believe if you add another digit, that'll be closer to the actual number.

Let me now offer a sordid reminder to myself- Christ should be the reason for all. I think, by this reason alone, I am now broken into a million pieces.

Ok.. Calm down. 

Hello God. 

Thumbs Up

Started randomly drawing, and then, poof. I guess this opens up an alternate occupation!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, my dearest sister. Wherever you are. 

It's been so long, and the family misses you. But more so, me. Because after all, you're my best friend in this family. 

Happy birthday. I pray that God watches over you, over the little one, over your family. And we hope, sincerely, that one day you can come back to say hello to us.

The door's wide open. And love, love always triumphs. 

I miss you k. 

Guitar.

I haven't touched my guitar in the longest time, that the callouses that I built up a while ago were gone. But all of a sudden, I picked up my guitar on Monday, and I've not stopped practicing ever since. 

That's six whole consecutive days now :)

And the motivation I got, was the simplest of words - worship.

I want to be able to play, so that I can sing to God. And well, now that I'm old enough I shall admit this- I think I can write songs. Poems, in fact, because I do not yet possess the musical sense to carry a melody. But I can hold a rhyme, hopefully to the beat of time, and let it float, so we can all soak, in the presence of our God, and stand in awe, as we are reminded by these songs that we write, whose true author is the Spirit that resides.

See my point? It's more like a rap now though, and I don't think anyone wants to hear a 27 year old woman who still struggles to clap to the beat of music mind you, rapping.

I hope this momentum can sustain me

So I can worship The Lord through the melody of music

And enter his presence with a decent song

To praise and worship, all the day long

Oh how awesome it is to sing

Of His great love, by which we are redeemed

And to sing of Jesus who died on the cross

A sacrifice for those who are lost

My fingers now hurt from playing G,C,E and D

But no, they won't stop me from praising Thee!

I love you, God.

Maturity

Ok, so after seven months, being in love is actually really really fun.

But also scary. Ever so often we mention the future, and a whole lot of jargon falls into place. Things I've never truly thought about in my entire life. Being single for most of my life meant never needing to think about them.

Well until now.

The moment when my cell group leader James and his wife pulled out books about marriage and said, "it's a new season for you!"

So, Maturity, I need your help.

And among all the questions, one that is of utmost importance is- "Can we serve Sharks' Fin if we get to have a Chinese wedding please?". Seems even more pressing for your presence now, Maturity.

Of course, it is to be followed by, what's life like being committed to a person for a really really really long time? Will we be doing the same things everyday till it falls into routine? How do we manage finances, and life? I'm just beginning to start saving for one person, and I don't even have enough to get a 5D camera, how to I get enough to start a life outside of my parents' home? How does one even go around to get a flat when the most expensive purchase I've ever made is my $2800 iMac?

But of course, coming back to rationality, the above questions won't be needing an answer so soon. As i've mentioned, it's only been seven months. We can keep the hyperventilation bag in storage for a while more. And perhaps, if I start thinking about these now, there won't be a need to hyperventilate when the time comes even. 

Maturity, aren't you working just fine?

The Timing

I had made plans with Leanne to meet for dinner on Thursday night, as I haven't seen her for the longest time. 3 months, in fact, and she had gone to Denmark, then Vancouver and back. 

However, my plan backfired as some work stuff got delayed and I forsaw a need to stay back that night. With a heavy heart, I texted Leanne to ask if we could take a raincheck. Bless this girl whom "we were both young when I first met you", she understood and agreed.

In the early evening though, I was done pretty fast, unexpectedly. So I texted her to see if we can put the dinner back on the schedule. But she had already made plans. So we decided to push our dinner to next week.

I have cell group every Friday. But on this day, it just has to be today, cell group was canceled as our cell-group mate is getting married tomorrow and a lot of them have been mobilized to help in the set up today. So I had decided, early in the week, that I would hang out with Mr Lim. We made new plans, to go over to his place in Tampines and watch a random movie. Sounds good. 

Today, Friday, I was set to head to Tampines. 

For it just so happened that Leanne stays in Tampines. 

And this afternoon, I received a text from her that said,"My grandmother passed away."

In the end, I went to Mr Lim's for a quick pee break (blame the weak bladder) and then I went to meet Leanne, just a few streets down the road. And we ended up talking over a late dinner at the airport.

This is the story of how I got to be there for my friend, despite my crazy schedule. Without knowing I could. God loves her, and His grand scheme of loving her included me.

I have a wonderful God.

And of course, we're still set for next Wednesday night's dinner!

The Disturbing Truth

So I was eating ice cream with Mr Lim 2 nights ago, when he started showing me random funny strips from 9gag. One of them was the above.

Then he said, "these cartoons poke fun at Christians but isn't there some truth in this?"

I said, enthusiastically because last Friday we had a lengthy discussion in cell about salvation and works,

"Yup! It's true ah. The girl who knocked down the hooker is still going to heaven."

"Wait! What?"

"Salvation is by God's grace, and so she said the sinner's prayer right, she's going to heaven. The hooker didn't, so she's not."

He looked at me with a frown, and said, "hmmm, do you believe in magic?"

"Nope."

"So, you don't believe that by saying a magical incantation, like hocus pocus, you can make something appear right?"

"Yup, don't believe in that."

"But why are you looking at the sinner's prayer like it is a magic word?"

"Hmmm.... It's what we were told when we converted. By saying the prayer, we are saved!"

"Can you find the sinner's prayer in the bible?"

"Uh.... Nooo..."

"Did the disciples prayed the sinner's prayer before they followed Christ?"

"Eh, I don't think so."

After a long discussion and some reference to the epistle of James, my eyes were opened, wider than before. I really had thought that saying the sinner's prayer garuantees a place in heaven. But of course, if you say the prayer, then go on to get wasted and snort cocaine, what Christian would that be? 

No wonder, when we become Christians, we automatically change our ways, or try to. Our faith breathes life into our works, which are acts of obedience for God. 

We did see the importance of the sinner's prayer though, that it is the starting point of the walk. The moment you start, but boy, that's definitely not where you end. 

It was a good discussion. What do you think about it?

Putting Back Marge

Philippines

The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being, sustaining all things by His powerful words

- Hebrews 1:3

The God who listens, who moves, who lives.

God is alive!

Of course, it is something that we, as Christians hold onto as fundamental truth, but nonetheless, it is still powerful when this fact is hit home.

While I was complaining and whining about my horrible last-few-never-ending-work-weeks, I confess that I prayed minimally, and I was downright disheartened, and I was questioning God more than praying in fact. But God, being God, He who is slow to anger and abundant in grace, made a way. On Wednesday, my boss said that they found someone to relief some of my load. That meant not being needed on set on Sundays. As the person was in fact, my ex-colleague, she'd also had done the tasks before and it was a breeze to brief her. Suddenly, I had some.... Air. Space....sleep.

Well, it's still a struggle now, because there are still some tricky situations for other aspects of the job, but wow, at the very least, God is listening. He moved, He worked, and He helped.

Thank you Lord. :) 

Note to self: pray more, please!

Misery

Is driving home at 4 in the morning today,  on other days 6 or 7am, and still have outstanding work not done.

And having more piled on just like that. 

Please, I don't fancy dying in the middle of the highway sleep driving. Or overworking. That is the worst way to die.

I. Hate. This. The last time I checked in the mirror, I don't look anything like superman. But the upper powers beg to differ.

I was in Kowloon, wielding double guns.

Bang bang bang bang. Victory!

He cooks bacon.

Here he stands, battling oil pops and sizzling heat, while I stay a considerably safe distance, just for a nice homemade lunch of bacon and baked potatoes. 

Yummy yummy in our tummy tummies!

Heeding The Call... of Duty

After finishing Call of Duty 1 and 2 last year, I started to itch for another game. Shooting at computer enemies can do wonders to relieve stress, and be in another world. So here I am, in the middle of Call of Duty: Black Ops, scurrying through tunnels and walking on crash aeroplane wings as a covert officer. I'm in awe of the graphics, storyline and the things I get to do- Pilot a russian Hind, check. Stealthily cut a computer enemy's throat, check- although it was gruesome, navigating through a Vietnamese jungle to kill all the rebels, check.

All on Recruit level, too. Haha. 

Draw.

Drawing a random boy so as to forget
the deariness and clockwork motion of work.

It's supposed to be Alex Fergurson.

Why does he look like Colonel Sanders instead?

A Badly Drawn Man.

This is quite fun.

Apparently, only 1 of us know how to eat cherries and the other doesn't.

:)

The Notion of Selfless Love

When the day began, I decided to help an intern out by sorting out scripts for her, which was her task.

I started doing it around 10pm. Midway through this, she finished the rest of her other work and hurried off.

And as I looked at the pile of unstapled, unsorted scripts in front of me, the first thing I felt was, wah.. This isn't even my responsibility and you dare to run off without helping me do your work?

And then, I saw how human I was. So grudging, so unwilling. So selfish. Really am falling short of whatever quality I have.

So, a newfound respect for God appears. 

The Silence of God

I was tasked to do the bible study topic based on Psalms, and it was on "The Apparent Silence of God."

In the midst of uncovering what the silence of God means, I stumbled upon the term "Deep calls to deep." It is from Psalms 42:7- Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls." The psalmist is trying to express that it is necessary to delve deeper, to gain more, rather than skim the surface and leave it.

After singing the song that uses this phrase and never understanding it until today, I think there is now a need for me to go further. Where to, I don't know, but God's path that's for sure.

Let me hope and pray that I will not succumb to the distractions of the world, and be disciples enough so that when God is in facts speaking to me, I will not mistake it for silence.

Whip it up

I don't usually cook. No, correction. I don't cook. But since I was on welfare duty for shoot, I had to whip up some tantalizing treats for the cast and crew.

Turkey bacon with Golden Mushroom

Celery with tuna in cream cheese

And so, today I decided to cook my very own Portabello Mushroom with bacon. I forgot to get the cheese sadly, and so...

Looks not bad right.

Taadaa! My first meal not involving instant noodles and a man called Campbell.

Before I forget

From the (timely) dating workshop with the YA people, my favorite parts:

Do not think you can bring a person to Christ through an unequal yoke relationship. 

- I once thought that it's possible. But what I did was to set a really bad example :(

Purity

- Must remember to safeguard ourselves as well as our better halves against compromising circumstances. 

There is a range of people made for you.

- a lot of people can be The One. Fun fact: Neo in the Matrix, was the 6th one

What you see is what you get

-people change, but not much.

There is never a reason to be unkind in a relationship

- We got into a pretty foul mood once, but I still continued to hold his hand, and appreciated the fact he held my hand back, and tightly. 

If you are not content when you are single, you will not be content when you are attached.

The Valentine

In light of the upcoming Valentine's Day that I usually don't quite care for because I have been single in most of my 26 years on earth, I must confess now that I will be enjoying that evening in the comfort of the basement car park classroom in my church. Because there is cell groups that day.

Without my valentine.

Because Jesus is the lover of my soul. He is of most importance. Sadly, there's also shoot the next day so I better not have other plans lest I have to work overtime to prepare for the shoot.

But I do bring good news about my valentine, about the person whom I met, talked to, started SMS-ing, started going out with, realizing how we both like the same kind of jokes, dinosaurs, and above all, being attracted by his love for Christ. 

I am really, really happy to fling my arms up in joy and declare,"I'm attached!!" 

And it is really nothing less than the love of God that led us together. Nothing less than the power of God that uncomplicate matters that are humanly complicated.

Taadaa. 

This is Zhi Rong. One can say he is the Rong person for me. But another can also say that I am also the Rong girl for him. Geddit?

 Surprise, Justin :)

Anyway, he is of course upset that we cannot spend Vday together, but he has consoled himself by saying,"never mind lar, can save money on that day since it will be expensive everywhere."

Heehee. Thank you Lord for this awesome man. 

Vietnam Chinese New Year

The family is going to Vietnam!

For Chinese New Year, for reasons-I-deduced-which-involves-avoiding-questions-about-certain-missing-family-members.

I didn't really want to go, as my New Year has evolved into a movie date night with my precious TKK gang on day 1, lots of sleeping on day 2, and this year day 3 is a Sunday!

But, you know, family. They trump so many other things. 

So, I'm going. With a changed heart by then I hope. I need to throw away my grudged attitude and enjoy some Vietnam coffee.

Will I be able to do so in the next 2 weeks? I can't say PHO sure!

But I'll try. 

2014

The year has barely started and I'm now in bed at 2.30pm, with a nasty cough and a really tired mind.

My December really caught up with me. 

Looking at the workload of 2014, I am shuddering with fear and doubt. It's so much more than what we handled in the past. Wanfong asked if I had prayed for this year's plans, I said uh, not yet. I really want 2014 to be a restful year, after 2013 proved to be a mad journey, but a good one. I guess God often presents Himself at our breaking points.

2013 proved that God is more than real. 

Well, as always, let's go back to the Word for encouragement. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name and you are mine!"