Shanghai Shenanigans Part 8- So ugly it's beautiful.

I was queuing up for train tickets with Felily and Joyce on Friday evening in a packed area when I saw a man cut our queue. Trying to be discreet, he sneaked to the front, and waited. Then, before Felily can open her mouth when it was finally our turn, he bent and asked the ticket salesperson for his tickets.

He was quite tall, with black spikey hair, and had on a black leather jacket. To tell the truth, he looked like one of those gangsters you see on the street.

Instinctively, I reacted before I knew. I tapped him on his back with an "Oie".

He turned around, but turned back to his conversation with the ticket salesperson hurriedly.

Heart racing, I hit his back again with a "Eh,不可以插队！"

He ignored it.

It was then, that I reacted faster than I could think. All I knew was that this fellow was cutting my queue and I didn't like it one bit. So I hit him hard, with a loud splat, on his black leather jacket, then tugged his jacket, and shouted "插队！"

This time round, Joyce chimed in and we were shouting "插队！插队！插队！" Finally, the ticket salesperson heard us, and asked who cut in. Felily slowly pointed at him. So the ticket salesperson refused to sell train tickets to him (Yay!) and asked him to queue. Furious that his attempt was futile, he turned back, and said, “你给我小心一点！”.

However, he said that line to this man beside us because he thought it was him who was hitting him.

Scary right?

After we bought the tickets, Felily and Joyce burst out and said, "Deanna!! You were sooo fierce! We were so so scared la!"

Actually, I also didn't know why I reacted that way. After he threatened the man, I was fully aware that this guy can easily beat me up. It was quite a crazy thing to do, and especially for me, a really really extreme thing to do. I really hit him hard the third time round, totally not giving any mercy at all. Thankfully, he didn't dish out his threat, for he disappeared into the crowds, leaving three scared stiff girls in his wake.

And so, I concluded that I have become a much more abrasive person here in Shanghai, which in fact, is no surprise because the fact is, I have started to embrace the ugly side of China. For my fellow Singaporeans who hasn't experienced the real China, here's a brief guide.

1) They spit and projectile mucus

You know that irritating white mucus (sometimes green, sometimes yellow) which lets itself drip inside your nose? Well, I've seen a lot of people on the street press one side of their nose. The mucus is then projected, at an angle, then with a powerful snort, forced out. It flies upwards, then down, forming an arc. Finally it lands splat on the pavement, or on anyone unfortunate.

10 marks for accuracy and form, 0 for hygiene.

2) They urinate in public

Old men, young men, young kids. They do it anywhere, anytime. The newest culprit that I saw did it at the side of a drain right in front of the subway gantry, where a whole bunch of people were coming out from.

3) Pushing is a necessity.

See point four.

4) They don't give way. Period

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Shanghai is a very small place but has a large population. Therefore, if they give way to others, they may find that there will be no time to do what they need to. Therefore, they push, shove and do whatever to get into that bloody train, even before anyone can step out of it at all.


5) They'll exploit any tourist, especially if you're Japanese.

I once found myself in a tourist trap (one of those meeting rooms where they talk to you about a useless product and cajole you into buying it). There was this person who called himself the General Manager of the company, and started to proclaim he owned a casino in Genting. He proceeded to give a speech about how he wasn't going to sell us their products because he didn't want to earn from his fellow Chinese. Instead, he said, "我们要赚日本鬼子的钱！" and made a cutting throat sign with his hands. The whole room exploded with applause, to my immense surprise. Afterward, he gave out his namecard, which reaffirms that he was a fake, because on the card, it was written:

Malaysia Gambling Co. Limited
Singapore Holy (Pratas) Property Co. Limited

Pratas! People, his company name is Holy Pratas! The same thing in the hawker centre we like to eat with sugar and curry, only more religious!

After the speech, he went around shaking hands, then told us that he would be giving out prizes in the next room. As the rest of the (greedy) Chinese people happily went into the room, the rest of us Singaporeans who grew up eating pratas went to the toilet, then back up the tour bus instead.

In another incident, Felily, Joyce and I happened to walk around "Zhou Zhuang", a preserved ancient town with 2 japanese tourists. They were ladies, and looked to be in their thirties. Both didn't know Chinese at all, but they knew a little English, so they followed us. We took a slow boat ride together along the small river. The steerer of the boat, a middle aged lady, asked us if we would like her to sing. It's RMB 10 if she sings. On hearing that an exchange of money is necessary, our cheapo instincts kicked in and we rejected her. She then turned her sights on the Japanese ladies, but before that, she told us that she was merely doing business and we should not interrupt her business. She then quoted RMB 20 to the ladies for a song. We told the ladies it wasn't worth it, so they didn't want the song either. For the rest of our boat ride, we experienced the slow rocky motion of the waters, saw the laidback life of the ancient town, and endured the steerer's incessant nagging.




See, from these examples, how can I not become abrasive? Nowadays, I stare, I elbow and I say out my displeasure. Once, a boy around 4 or 5 years old was peeing at a grass patch outside the Olympic Stadium in Beijing. I looked at him as I walked past, and said, "你在公共场所尿尿好恶心哦！Eeew!"

To one person who pushed his way in front of me while I was at the Forbidden Palace, I hit him on the back and said in his face, "不要推可以吗？！" He said some stuff which I didn't understand to defend himself. People turned and looked. He left. Soon told me I looked fierce.

Look at what China made me! I have never done anything like these in Singapore, never at all. While I'm glad that I found my vigilante voice of justice, I have newfound fears of being beaten up in some dirty alley in future by some holy pratas man.

So, your job is to remind me that my life is at stake when I decide to be a superhero/Singa the Courtesy Campaign lion.