A Word For My Season

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

I guess it means patience. Not passion, but patience.

Okay. Now to learn how to surrender it to God.

A Struggle of a Cowardly Aspiring Editor

I cannot cut anything Horror.

I just cannot.

Well, I can put something together, but they will turn out sucky.

There was an assignment to put together a sample mood trailer by piecing shots from horror flicks. And oh boy, having to sit through gory/ psychotic/ tense moments can really shake one's heart. And when I was done, I couldn't bear to refine it anymore, because, just seeing it makes me freak out.

So that's that.

I cannot cut horror. Well, I shall push myself and see how far I can go, but for now, I scream like the girl that I am when it comes to horror.

Words That Come To Mind When Tired

I probably am finally coming to terms that we're on stranger tides. 2 years and loads of thinking does a lot, grew a lot, but still, am still addressing you as you because there is a small hope that you do peek in here once in a while to stalk, like I try to stalk too, in a non scary/ threatening way, because there's no way to stalk you at all, anymore, except for the very occasional mention.

And of course, I can feel wheels moving, moving on, moving further, until it really fades into oblivion. Part of me wants it to be like that, like it doesn't exist, and frankly it feels that way because it's been so long, but a whole bigger part of me says, nope, I cannot let it fade. I hold on, hold on to the lessons, the love, the way we were, the way I was mean and horrid, the way I ran you down into a million pieces. This is important. Very important. It shaped me, it molded me, a tad too late, perhaps for you, but I pray so hard that it'll not happen again in the next one, if there is a next one, when there is a next one. 

There are times where things get broken and they are unfixable. I think this is one of those things. Well, I think you think that this is one of those things. And I think so too. I've probably gone and done the worst thing by associating you with me, again. Because there is no association, not in real life anyway, not in this time. Not anymore. And of course, while I hope you'd peek, I think really, I'm just talking to myself.

I hope you've found your next one already. I'm going to try to find mine too. 

Fatigue.

Fatigue.

I could feel it on my bones, at 8pm last night, after 3 continuous nights of staying in the office at 3am.

It was just a sudden wave that hit, and I sat there, in front of my iMac, staring blanking for a moment, wondering if I would get a heart attack and die.

I didn't. I survived till 4am last night.

Later, it'll be the same story, but tonight, oh tonight is finally here. It'll be the last night of crazy editing.

As each evening pass and I strike off the edits done for the night, there are 2 things that keep running through my head. One is the song by Fun., appropriately named Be Calm. I've taken to listening to this band - which by the way is amazing and as the name suggest, really fun- after reading that music keeps one focused at work.

The other one is Romans 8:31 "If God is for me, who can be against me?"

And that's the reason, why I'm still alive.