The Family.

I wanted to take the time to just type out random stuff on the blog while waiting for my video to render, but my sister, who was on her bed, kept saying that she was fat.

It became a little unbearable to hear that she feels that being fat dominates her life, and that she knows that there are other less fortunate people out there but she couldn't care more. She don't have that capacity in her heart to feel and love these people, she don't have any capacity in her heart to think about other things. She is preoccupied with her "fat" arms and "fat" legs.

"Does it help if I tell you you're not fat and that's the truth?" I asked.

"No. If just one person says I'm fat, I will feel affected. My friend keep saying I am fat and black."

"Can you go ask that idiot to go screw herself?"

"Cannot. That's how society judges. It's society's viewpoint."

"Society is molded by you and me. It's our opinions."

"No I cannot ignore society. I am part of it."

I told my sister I'd rather buy her an air ticket to see the world than buy her a slimming centre voucher. But obviously, I was firmly rejected.

How did such narrow perspectives form in her head, I truly wonder. At this point, I really find it a struggle to talk to my family over such matters. In my head, if they were Christians, it would have been solved more easily. I guess I'm biased, and also thinking this way is not right because lamenting doesn't solve anything.

But of course, I'll pray... Prayer, that's the only thing that works these days. At least for me, when nothing else seems to be able to work. I think this is a time of molding and shaping myself, a time to try and reconcile with the family over unresolved issues, and yeap, a time to "Refine Me Through The Flame."

All these might sound rather serious, but don't worry, I guess it's because I've not really tackled them before, having lived half my life in oblivion and escapism. I am truly glad to be a Christian, though by no means am I the holiest, godliest Christian out there. Because when I feel stuck like this, when there are no humanly way, no logic, no reasoning to be done, there really is nothing else to do but to pray like never before.

We'll get through it. All 6 + 1 (brother in law) + 1 (the niece now nicely baking in the oven) of us.