It's been a while since I've felt this crazy, this impulsive, this... weird.
Like a rehash.
It feels familiar, yet fresh and different.
It feels exciting, but scary.
It feels like a game, but yet it ought to demand more respect than a game.
Everything's uncertain, and it might just be in my head. So much so that it gave me an intensive headache at work yesterday.
I'm kidding. But the headache was real. Oh gosh I sat in that meeting from 1pm to 5pm, with my head lolling from side to side and my eyeballs in pain. Worst feeling ever.
Anyway, yay to my bosses who sent me home and I fell fast asleep until.... Now.
And so, am still wearing my sports bra because I was supposed to go for training after work yesterday.
And hence this seemingly incoherent post because I am still feeling a little drugged out.
I dreamt the other day of the one who has long treated me as non-existential. That one lor, who had me thinking long and hard all year last year what I've done wrong to deserve such crap. Somewhere along, I realized, yup, I really do deserved it. I've never put in much of an effort, and I have been obnoxious, off putting and really mean. Really, really mean. Really nasty. I concluded that yup, i deserved this silent treatment. Of course it kills me to lose this person as a friend, because this person knew me and loved me. But I didn't, or rather, didn't show it as much as I should have.
Well, I had a dream. Dreams where that person pops out are getting to be less frequent, but they all have the same message. I would dream that we meet somewhere random and start to talk, and it was comforting. Until I wake up, that is. A few days ago, the dream was that the person came to me during a gathering of some sort and said, hey I'm sorry. Let's talk. You cannot imagine that amount of comfort it brought to me.
Until I woke up, that is. Well, because dreams are just dreams, and this scenario will probably never happen ever. RIGHT? Because 1, I'm probably the one who needs to apologise and 2, I've been so lousy during that time.
Well, time to wake up, see the doctor, live another day and just pray hard that I won't do the same thing to the next person who comes along.
If the next person is not in my head, that is.
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