Words of Wisdom

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Proverbs 16:32 ESVV

Love Is Easy

When I was younger, I'd imagine what love would be like for me. I was never the prettiest, the most popular, and my brush with love was far and few. And I do know a thing or two about unrequited love as well.

Such was my life, and of course shaping my perceptions were TV shows with fateful lovers aplenty. Looking at the drama that also surrounded some of my friends, I thought, man, relationships are tough.

Yesterday was a difficult day for me. In the morning, I was berated by my mother, to the point where I stormed out the house and drove away while crying in the car. House moving had caused much tension and uneasiness in my family.

When I reached church, I saw my friends and I put on a brave front. But when I saw ZR, I whispered to him, I'm so upset.

He was in the midst of preparing for his sermon. Are you upset with me? He asked.

No not you, my mother.

Okay okay, you hold on ah. He went quickly to do something, but was right back beside me in a jiffy.

What happened, he asked.

And then, I don't know what came over me, the floodgates unleashed itself.

He stayed with me, and even brought me to buy some baos, as I hadn't eaten at all. Don't you have a sermon to go to, I asked.

I've got time, he said cheerfully. I'll stay with you.

And so from then till the day ended, he was right beside me. I felt so comforted and so blessed.

Near the end of the day, he turned to me and said, did you ever think life will be like this, dear?

Never, I said. I never thought I would be this happy. This comfortable.

For me to have found a guy, who makes punnier jokes, who knows Stacy's Mum and even rickrolled me during the proposal, never in all my life. I was looking at him once while preaching, and I remembered a prayer I made to God. God, I just want to have a Christian boyfriend. Any Christian boy also can la, I just don't want to be single. Thank you God. 

Then I see in front of me the boy whom I love, loving God as he preaches with fervor and conviction. And guess what, he loves me back! That very moment, was the moment I knew, God You love me so much. And I know in every bit of my being, I do not deserve being loved so much.

I never thought love could be like this. I had once decided that love was just a small aspect of life ( when I was single and trying not to be desperate). But my God, my God, showed me how important love is.

I never thought that love could be so easy. 

But it is.

The Burning Smell of Death

The door to the furnace opened. I heard a trolley moving.

Everyone craned their necks forward, in silence. In dread. 

"Be brave." A voice cried out. It was someone in the very first row, just in front of the glass panel. Sobs can be heard.

I held onto the railing in front of me, breathing in and trying to compose myself. It felt like the worst feeling ever. I had an impulse to grab the hand of the girl beside me, but I gathered the courage not to.

Slowly, the wooden box rolled forward, just beneath us. The atmosphere was unbearable. There we were, a crowd of about fifty, watching the coffin move into the next phase. Everyone was silent. 

The man inside was my churchmate's father, who had succumbed to cancer after battling with it for a good few years. I did not know him at all, although I have seen him in pictures on Facebook posted by my friend.

Still, there is something sobering about watching a fellow human's life coming to an end. I have never come this close to death before, only going to void deck wakes and looking at the departed in glass coffins.

As the coffin rolled nearer to the furnace, there was a heaviness that lingered in the air, pierced by sobs, crying and sadness. And if i, a person who never knew him, could have such a grieved moment, I could not imagine the pain of his death through the eyes of his family and friends.

And although, we know, in scripture, in consolation, that He is gone to be with our Father, the wanting to stop the coffin from inching further in is real. The hope for forever, for immortality, the desire for death to be defeated was immediate. 

Alas, we were all physically separated, here we are, the alive in the viewing gallery, and the dead in the coffin. 

Finally, the coffin entered the furnace area and the door closed. That was it. Everyone slowly streamed out the exit. Everyone, after consolations and hugs, returned to their normal routines and their lives.

I drove away, returning to civilisation, returning to doing my work, resuming my life.

But tonight, I felt the need to write this down, to remember. I left that experience with strange feelings. The regret of death is real. 

I wonder if this will change my heart for evangelism. I do not know and only time will tell. But one thing is for sure, the regret of death is heavy. 

I wonder if it will change my outlook on life. I wonder if I would start prioritising some things over others. 

I know in my head and in my heart, God and his promises. It's a hard thing to reconcile though, when a body is going to be burnt. But then, all the more, all the more, I need to hold onto my God, the God who conquered death.

For now, I am glad to be breathing, living and knowing, the joy after death.

Of Prep And Plans (Or Please Don't Follow The Way I Plan My Wedding)

After the successful/ surprising proposal by the boyfriend last December, we started prepping for "The Big Day". Only to find, that there are so many bumps and obstacles en route. Such as:

- Originally we had this grand idea of throwing a beach party at this nice big open air cafe in Sentosa.  That's because he has got a whole troop of youngsters and I've got 3 whole basketball teams to invite, on top of our relatives. However, after one or two correspondence with them, the prices are on par with hotels. Hotels will usually throw in at least one night's stay, flower arrangement services, free wedding favours but that place doesn't, which makes that idea ridiculously an expensive one. So we started looking for other places.

Upon researching and emailing other possible venues:

- Some venues are already booked out on Saturdays this November and December. AND IT'S ONLY MARCH NOW!!!

Then going back to the church idea because our church definitely can hold a lot of people for the ceremony. BUT:

- I really do want to hold it in my church, but some new rules are hard to swallow. Basically it's a 50/50 chance of having the solemniser we want...

- I still want to hold it in my church, but the car park is really small for a reception. We really want a reception that is interactive and fun, then dinner will just be with the relatives.

- The boyfriend is outraged at the tentage price if we would like to hold the reception at the car park.

And looking at the current wedding industry:

- Who invented the wedding cake? Who invented the $2000 plus to rent but $3000 to buy gown? Who made a wedding photo album a necessity? The commercialisation of this occassion is worse than Christmas.

- We went to a wedding show at a hotel that we knew we could not afford, but we wanted to see how these things are like. Sure, I ate back most of what I paid for at the buffet lunch, but Mr Lim ended up sleeping like a pig during the wedding gown fashion runway segment. (I laughed to myself looking at him dozing off. Too funny!)

"Vanity, everything is vanity"

Anyway, without a fixed venue and date, there's not much else to do, because most of your deadlines and timelines will work towards that date and that venue "look". So, we're still looking. We're still hopeful.

We've also started asking around in other churches, churches with big carparks. So far, the few responses we've been getting aren't very good as they also have been booked out end of the year and/or only allow non-members who have no church buildings to rent.

Of course, it's a little unsettling that after 3 months of trying to get a place/ a date, we're still at square one. And I was slightly dismayed.

The boyfriend, or rather, fiance, said, well, worst-case we'll do it at ROM, just us lor. Then we'll do church on another day.

I said, hmm... I don't know... I need time to warm up to that idea.

In my mind, I'm thinking, what!! No fanfare? No celebrations? Just us? What a low-key affair! But I want to show people that I'm getting married leh.

Okay, so I wanted to show off. "Vanity, everything is vanity"

Then I picked up the bible - I had to, my mind was in destress- and I was on Isaiah. It was about God chiding His people, who'd abandoned Him to worship the mountains, to worship themselves.

Alamak...

I guess it brings a wedding into perspective. And what it should glorify.

The answer is... not me la.

So I messaged the boyfriend, as long as your family and my family and our choice solemniser get to go eat Hai Di Lao together after ROM, I think can la... I'm warming up to that idea already.

Right now, our plan is to just keep looking. The good thing is, our God do not demand that there's a special date that we die die have to marry on - one day is really small when you look at eternity as your timeline la- and although people have been bugging me on fixing the wedding date as fast as I can, I am actually quite glad that we are taking time to think through and explore different options.

One because it's a lot of money leh.

Two because it's our project together! And the end of our "first major project" happens on the wedding day. HAHA. We should use this time to get to know one another's styles and ways of doing things. No rush lar.

And three, the wedding deadline is set by us. And I think to myself, well, I rather be flexible and save 30% on my wedding day, then I use that money I save on my marriage la eg. house/ expenses/ honeymoon even. Right? Right?

Anyway, here's us after the proposal. Hehe... As you can see, I was totally not dressed for the occasion. :)

And then now I'm stuck on S.H.E

Alamak... Time traveling ear worm!!!!!!

小幸运

A big thank you Charis and Jocelyn. These two girls sang their hearts out during an impromptu K session in the small confines of my trusty rusty new-but-old Nissan.

And created a timewarp earworm in my head.

We went through the hottest song of the season, Hebe's 小幸运, and then S.H.E, and a few more, but we kept bouncing back to S.H.E.

By the time I dropped Jocelyn off at her ULU Sengkang house, we've gone through 3/4 of S.H.E's repertoire. I'm serious.

So I'm now on a train bound for Memory Lane, which I'll just indulge for a little while. Blame it on the movie, which I conveniently got from Charis. It wasn't quite 那些年，and I could never be that lead girl because frankly, I couldn't afford going to the salon for hair treatments at that age and with that hair, but still, it did evoke some wonderful memories from the days of youth. And crushes. And likes. And "can't believe I fell in love with that guy" kind of thoughts.

While the song that's the title of this post plays. On repeat.

Thanks ah, Charis.

I'm trying to understand the song as I go along.

I think it should be a reflective piece, after a break up, looking back at the better times of a relationship? And then accepting the break up while still being able to cherish the moments of it, being able to appreciate the good side of the other party and knowing that whoever loves next, will be really blessed to have them.

I think lar, my Chinese is not that good.

OR

It's about realising that you don't want to let go but you did, so too late already. So there's nothing left to do but remember all the good things about them and their experiences and then to say they'll be a blessing to the next person.

Well, no matter which it is, it is still a very beautiful song.

And the movie made me cry buckets. Although I found it a little creepy for the male lead to be smiling constantly.... he might be trying to give a new dimension to his character though. Okok, the editor in me is trying to analyze the film- staappphhhh.

Alright now, I guess once I get sick of it I'll be ready to move right to Future Road.

On a last note, you think it's appropriate to play this song at my wedding or not, ah?

The TV Industry Is Magic Made From Mundane.

After the n-th person quit from my office, I feel that this has to be said. Guys, TV is nothing more than mundane activities strung together, creating a formula that looks magical. But there is nothing magical about having to source for an obscure prop, or having to be on set on twelve-hour shoot days where you are far away from friends and family, or even getting crew all the drinks they need to plow through the day.

Nothing magical at all.

So before anyone sees a Behind-The-Scenes and go, oooooh so fun, and decides to jump into this industry because you get to see stars, please, I beg of you, DON'T.

The glamour, the lights and pizzazz of television are all made possible on the backs of sweaty men and women who wake up before the crack of dawn, making every minute on set count, doing things that defy the "laws" of a university graduate.

When you read a script, it is just words, description words, character names, dialogue chunks. There is no magic.

When you stand, physically behind the scenes, there is no magic. Everyone is busy in their own department. The logger logs the shot, checks the script and notes continuity. The make up artist scrutinises the actor's face on camera, ready to jump in to touch up at any time. The props master is waiting to put in the props for the next scene and the welfare person is making sure everyone is well and properly fed. On screen, is the action being filmed, one shot here, one shot there. You see the raw, flat shots. There is no magic.

In the editing suite, there is no magic. The editor cuts out the front and the back of the clips, stitches the sound and visuals together, splices different angles together, picks out the best takes and assemble it together. It can be pretty boring to sit through a whole day's footages.

Then it goes to colour grading and audio mixing.

When after all that work is done, from scripts to shoot to the final mix, and you play the video, the film comes to life. That's where the magic is, inside your TV box.

So if you can stand that the satisfaction only comes in that little box, please, come join us in this industry.

If not, seriously, don't even.