This is a new year.

Guys, it is 2015.

I have lost some memories of this blog, having not posted for 2 whole months. Typing on a phone is not at all satisfying- it does not produce the tiak tiak tiak sounds of a keyboard that soothes the writer.

Most start-of-the-year posts usually start with reflections. And I tried to do one, but I gave up because no tiak tiak on the iPad. 

Yesterday night I revisited the years spent on this blog. It seemed like a long journey of a person who grew up. Haha, I admit, I'm getting older. Less funny perhaps, more likely to eat lunch alone and be totally okay. 

2015 has 2 keywords for me. Self control, and people. What matters most in life? The money, a comfortable life, a great job, fame? Well, no. 

It's the people that matters.

This is quite a powerful revelation, one that scares me a bit. I hope that at the end of 2015, I can understand this and do this well.

This world. It's about the people.

Obsession

Reading from CS Lewis's books, one observation that he brought across, and halted me in my tracks, is the observation of the artist. The artist loves drawing God's creation - the clouds, the grass, nature. His first love was God and His handiwork, then he begins to fuss over his drawings, which paints should he use, what strokes, what materials? 

When he gets to purgatory, he sees a glimpse of heaven, and he is eager to draw the beauty surrounding him. But there are no paints in this particular place. He meets with a Spirit to lament over this fact that he cannot draw out the beauty of the place. The Spirit replies, "you're supposed to look at the place, observe it, take it in, but not draw it. The beauty of it is right in front of your eyes! The paintings and drawings you do on Earth are copies of the real creation, they do not display the Creator's glorious work. "

"Yes I understand the beauty of it. Therefore, I must draw it!"

"Well, if you're interested in the view only for the sake of drawing it, you'll never learn anything about it!"

That quite stumped me.

How many times have I been guilty of wanting to be a Christian but not truly understanding who is Christ? Leading worship and bible study because I'm "good enough"? Making videos for church and getting praised for my skills? Priding myself on always being in church despite having a busy schedule?

Pretty sure, at least 10 times throughout my 5 years of Christian walk, and I'm being modest here. I believe if you add another digit, that'll be closer to the actual number.

Let me now offer a sordid reminder to myself- Christ should be the reason for all. I think, by this reason alone, I am now broken into a million pieces.

Ok.. Calm down. 

Hello God. 

Thumbs Up

Started randomly drawing, and then, poof. I guess this opens up an alternate occupation!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, my dearest sister. Wherever you are. 

It's been so long, and the family misses you. But more so, me. Because after all, you're my best friend in this family. 

Happy birthday. I pray that God watches over you, over the little one, over your family. And we hope, sincerely, that one day you can come back to say hello to us.

The door's wide open. And love, love always triumphs. 

I miss you k. 

Guitar.

I haven't touched my guitar in the longest time, that the callouses that I built up a while ago were gone. But all of a sudden, I picked up my guitar on Monday, and I've not stopped practicing ever since. 

That's six whole consecutive days now :)

And the motivation I got, was the simplest of words - worship.

I want to be able to play, so that I can sing to God. And well, now that I'm old enough I shall admit this- I think I can write songs. Poems, in fact, because I do not yet possess the musical sense to carry a melody. But I can hold a rhyme, hopefully to the beat of time, and let it float, so we can all soak, in the presence of our God, and stand in awe, as we are reminded by these songs that we write, whose true author is the Spirit that resides.

See my point? It's more like a rap now though, and I don't think anyone wants to hear a 27 year old woman who still struggles to clap to the beat of music mind you, rapping.

I hope this momentum can sustain me

So I can worship The Lord through the melody of music

And enter his presence with a decent song

To praise and worship, all the day long

Oh how awesome it is to sing

Of His great love, by which we are redeemed

And to sing of Jesus who died on the cross

A sacrifice for those who are lost

My fingers now hurt from playing G,C,E and D

But no, they won't stop me from praising Thee!

I love you, God.

Maturity

Ok, so after seven months, being in love is actually really really fun.

But also scary. Ever so often we mention the future, and a whole lot of jargon falls into place. Things I've never truly thought about in my entire life. Being single for most of my life meant never needing to think about them.

Well until now.

The moment when my cell group leader James and his wife pulled out books about marriage and said, "it's a new season for you!"

So, Maturity, I need your help.

And among all the questions, one that is of utmost importance is- "Can we serve Sharks' Fin if we get to have a Chinese wedding please?". Seems even more pressing for your presence now, Maturity.

Of course, it is to be followed by, what's life like being committed to a person for a really really really long time? Will we be doing the same things everyday till it falls into routine? How do we manage finances, and life? I'm just beginning to start saving for one person, and I don't even have enough to get a 5D camera, how to I get enough to start a life outside of my parents' home? How does one even go around to get a flat when the most expensive purchase I've ever made is my $2800 iMac?

But of course, coming back to rationality, the above questions won't be needing an answer so soon. As i've mentioned, it's only been seven months. We can keep the hyperventilation bag in storage for a while more. And perhaps, if I start thinking about these now, there won't be a need to hyperventilate when the time comes even. 

Maturity, aren't you working just fine?

The Timing

I had made plans with Leanne to meet for dinner on Thursday night, as I haven't seen her for the longest time. 3 months, in fact, and she had gone to Denmark, then Vancouver and back. 

However, my plan backfired as some work stuff got delayed and I forsaw a need to stay back that night. With a heavy heart, I texted Leanne to ask if we could take a raincheck. Bless this girl whom "we were both young when I first met you", she understood and agreed.

In the early evening though, I was done pretty fast, unexpectedly. So I texted her to see if we can put the dinner back on the schedule. But she had already made plans. So we decided to push our dinner to next week.

I have cell group every Friday. But on this day, it just has to be today, cell group was canceled as our cell-group mate is getting married tomorrow and a lot of them have been mobilized to help in the set up today. So I had decided, early in the week, that I would hang out with Mr Lim. We made new plans, to go over to his place in Tampines and watch a random movie. Sounds good. 

Today, Friday, I was set to head to Tampines. 

For it just so happened that Leanne stays in Tampines. 

And this afternoon, I received a text from her that said,"My grandmother passed away."

In the end, I went to Mr Lim's for a quick pee break (blame the weak bladder) and then I went to meet Leanne, just a few streets down the road. And we ended up talking over a late dinner at the airport.

This is the story of how I got to be there for my friend, despite my crazy schedule. Without knowing I could. God loves her, and His grand scheme of loving her included me.

I have a wonderful God.

And of course, we're still set for next Wednesday night's dinner!